Submit Questions for Meaningless Dayn Perry Podcast

Dayn Perry and I are recording his meaningless weekly podcast appearance at 8pm ET tonight (Tuesday).

Feel free to submit questions or comments or notices of paternity in the comment section below.

Also, if you care for the show, and have some interest in seeing it one day surpass the Orvis Fly Fishing podcast in the iTunes rankings, consider leaving a comment at iTunes (link), as the algorithm for said rankings appears to weight the volume of comments received rather heavily.

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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.

39 Responses to “Submit Questions for Meaningless Dayn Perry Podcast”

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  1. Zach Sanders says:

    Dayn is locked in a room with the Orvis Fly Fishing guys with a trumpet, a magazine, and an USB drive. How would he help them meet their maker?

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  2. ED says:

    Can we have a weekly ‘who deserves a lengthy stint in the gallows’ segment?

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  3. Chris Cwik says:

    Hey guys. Long-time listener, second-time question-asker.

    Was wondering how Dayn felt about Big Mouth Billy Bass?

    I figure a well-traveled gentleman such as Dayn has probably encountered a Big Mouth Billy Bass or two on his road to stardom.

    For your reference:

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  4. e.gruver says:

    I’ve wondered this for weeks now….but really…

    what motivates Dayn to get out of bed each morning?

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  5. Krog says:

    A man of Dayn’s fiery temperament should know about hot sauce. What is it? Where to get it? How to use it? These question-statements must be answered!

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  6. Kam says:

    After Florida where is the 2nd worst place on earth?

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  7. How can I, in my day-to-day existence, be more like Dayn Perry?

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  8. Kyle says:

    How full of shit is the Orvis Fly Fishing podcast, really?

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  9. Casey says:

    A short yet meaningful question. Answer in any way you see fit: Your what hurts?!

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  10. Expert Analyst says:

    I was uplifted by the Dick Allen racing mascot. How exactly do you suggest I vanquish someone of poor taste and breeding?

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  11. dp says:

    As a Mississippian and as a soul-dead American man of letters, I would surmise that you admire–if not identify with–the great William Faulkner. My question concerns the doomed protagonist of Faulkner’s “Absalom, Thomas Sutpen, and the maniacal drive to remake his world in his putrid image. Did you, Dayn, read Absalom Absalom! and think: “This is whom I must strive to become,” ignorant of Sutpen’s utter failure as father, husband, and tyrant? This seems to be the path in life you have chosen, and I will tell you that if so, all you touch is fated to misery. Do I misevaluate your motives and personal failings? If so, please enlighten us.

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  12. Big Jgke says:

    Hey Dayn, who watches the Watchmen?

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  13. samuelraphael says:

    Can I name my daughter Yuniesky? There are boys named Leslie.

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  14. thekshields says:

    What kind of porn do you think Mitt Romney enjoys?

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  15. Jack says:

    Would you please power rank the various Notgraphs writers from best to the Astros?

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  16. deadhead says:

    Hypothetically, would you rather inject heroin or cocaine? Circumstances being, during the course of some sort of undercover investigative baseball/sabermetrics assignment for CBS’s Eye On Baseball (the site for all true baseball fans) you found yourself in bodily peril if’n you refused to inject one or the other of these narcotics, and you can’t choose both. Long story short – does Dayn Perry prefer smack or blow? Hypothetically.

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  17. deadhead says:

    Dear Mr. Manners,

    During the course of my travels I am often put in the position to add a gratuity on to the payment of members of the service industry. I usually tip $1 drink to bar keeps and I usually add 20% to waiters and waitresses, all fine and good, but how much should I tip workers in the cervix industry? Do I tip an escort 20%? How about a street corner whore?


    Carson Cistulli

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  18. Jason says:

    I am so overwhelmed with this opportunity to submit a communication that might actually be provided to Dayn Perry that I can’t think of anything to ask.

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  19. rambodiaz says:

    Do you do Birthday Parties?

    And, if so, which of your two published, or one unpublished, books would best befit a dramatic reading for an eight year old’s pony-themed party? And how?

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  20. War2d2 says:

    If the world were invaded by an aggressive alien force, and you, as President of the United States of America, were called upon to form an elite squad of historical figures to take on — nay — take out said force, who would you include? And what would their powers be?

    To give you a jumping off point, I’d start with Nathan Hale, and his powers would be those of being dead sexy.

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  21. tyler says:

    What are the best and worst things about the Internet?

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  22. rambodiaz says:

    Do you have any tips on how to set up a trout reel? (Orvis does…)

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  23. Stoph says:

    Do you feel under pressure to maintain the high standards you have set, namely that of being 100% useless?

    Additionally I wish to share a creative writing joke from the interwebs.

    A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

    The prize-winning essay read, “My God,” said the Queen, “I’m pregnant. I wonder whose it is?”


    The purported author describes their level as ‘Drunk’.

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  24. deadhead says:

    I am a huge fan of your work. Just curious, did you ever have intimate relations with any of your co-stars back when filming Friends? If so, was it that jerk that played Ross?

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  25. PrettyRicky says:

    Dayn, could you ask me a question?

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  26. Mia says:

    Why do third basemen have such pretty eyes, compared to their peers?

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  27. A Young, Handsome Patriot says:

    Dayn, what was that you were saying earlier about Hitler not being all that bad?

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  28. It has been told that ‘gentlemen prefer blondes’, so I assume you like redheads?

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  29. Ken Mediocre says:

    If Reggie was the straw that stirred the Yankee drink, what drink is Cistulli stirring?

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  30. Ken Mediocre says:

    If Cistulli is so Italian, why does he insist on a “Sistulli” pronunciation instead of the Italo “Chistulli” pronunciation?

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  31. jbwiii says:

    off to iTunes….nothing to see here…
    Belated Observations on the Nature of iTunes, Explodius Harris, John Gardner and the Iowa Writer’s Workshop:

    Hey! Look at me! I can type! Because I’m blissfully unaware of the creation of the cooperation of the University of North Carolina, Duke and the gosh darn DOD inventing Usenet in the disco infested 1970′s I believe that I’m the demon spawn of Lester Bangs and Robert Christgau hatched in a lab with the sole purpose of secreting reviews on iTunes which don’t need a formal critical framework because someone at a party once told me beer made me wicked smaht. And brother, I like the suds.

    Oh, wait, I’m Explodius Harris and I’m painfully aware how little I know about Nathan Effin’ Hale, David Effin’ Halberstam, Roger Effin’ Lowenstein, Collateralized Debt, what steel tariffs have to do with David Simon being famous, successful or flat out Awesome, other Great Americans who used the Balitmore Sun as a cudgel of ugly truth, what Paul Strassmann and Izzy Stone think about information entropy and creating a signal to noise distortion system which stovepipes intelligence reporting or whether or not World War Z was a derivative work of some dead guy from the Land of Lincoln.

    Due to this blind spot in my cognition, I don’t realize that the Cistulli / Perry Fangraphs Audio episodes resemble a pan-dimensional cage match teaming Terry Funk and Mick Foley together in an all-out-balls-out assault of Constitutional Fury on the circa 1989 Santana-Martel Strike Force that is the bloated carcass of the incumbent Military/Entertainment complex.

    Speaking now as myself, jbwiii (pronounced JAH-boo-EY), I contest that not only as an American but simply as a Carbon Based Life Form I desire nothing more than to deliver stout blows about the head and torso of any man, woman or child for whom the question “In the event some sort of Russo-Caribbean alliance against Democracy infiltrated troops into the jerkwater Front Range municipality which I cohabit with fellow members of my football squad and were I, in the spirit of Americans from Nathan Hale to Douglas McArthur, forced to temper the steel of my manhood in the crucible of freedom by cobbling together a scrappy rag-tag team of patriots to develop into an unstoppable insurgent force, striking fear into our Oppressors and catalyzing – nay awakening – the battered yet not beaten townspeople into Revolutionaries, would I want Cistilli and Perry by my side?” is genuinely Interrogative rather than purely Rhetorical. When, after all, does a question stop being a question and transform into a Living Truth?

    To all of this slackjawed internettery I say this: Dayn Perry IS a Living Truth and you can take him away when you pry him from my cold dead hand.

    Good Day, Sirs

    jbwiii, American

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  32. yaboynate says:

    Have you considered that Ryan Zimmerman may be a Merman?

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  33. Steve Balboni says:

    Why don’t you buy a Great Dane, so there’ll be at least one in the house?

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  34. Please rank these Maxims of Jurisprudence to stream for my fantasy team:

    1. Things happen according to the ordinary course of nature and
    the ordinary habits of life.
    2. Acquiescence in error takes away the right of objecting to it.
    3. Superfluity does not vitiate.
    4. No one can take advantage of his own wrong.
    5. No one should suffer by the act of another.
    6. For every wrong there is a remedy.
    7. No man is responsible for that which no man can control.
    8. That which does not appear to exist is to be regarded as if it did not exist.
    9. The law neither does nor requires idle acts.
    10. The law disregards trifles.
    11. The greater contains the less.
    12. He who can and does not forbid that which is done on his behalf, is deemed to have bidden it.
    13. He who consents to an act is not wronged by it.

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  35. Kenshin Kawakami says:

    When did I become a middle-aged lesbian?

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  36. jcxy says:

    beatles or stones?

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