Submit Questions for Totally Vapid Dayn Perry Podcast

Dayn Perry and I are recording his stupid weekly podcast appearance at 11am ET tomorrow (Wednesday).

Feel free to submit questions or comments or a brief description of your nightmares in which Perry has appeared in the comment section below — or don’t, as, after all, we’re all going to die someday.




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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fhyrew
Guest
fhyrew
3 years 6 months ago

Why does Dayn hate the beach?

Kyle
Member
3 years 6 months ago

Because he’s a sane, reasonable gentleman, that’s why.

fhyrew
Guest
fhyrew
3 years 6 months ago

I don’t necessarily disagree with Mr. Perry’s sentiments, I just wish to hear them expounded upon by the man himself.

Matt
Guest
Matt
3 years 6 months ago

Hey Dayn, what if God was one of us?

deadhead
Member
deadhead
3 years 6 months ago

Hey Dayn, as I took my mistress to get her fetus aborted the other day, I took a gander at the protestors outside the clinic. Is there a fetus model talent scout for pro-life signage that determines which ones are most photogenic? If so, should they have pageants?

Zach Sanders
Member
Member
3 years 6 months ago

A male friend of mine (who is totally not me) has begun using the women’s deodorant brand “Secret,” because he — again, certainly not me — claims it works and smells better. Should I allow him — you know, that person who isn’t me — to continue to use it, or is this sort of thing uncouth in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave?

Jake L
Guest
Jake L
3 years 6 months ago

If you were transported back to the time of the founders and framers as a young and viral Dayn Perry, who would get more revolution tail, you, Ben Franklin, or other?

ElJosharino
Member
ElJosharino
3 years 6 months ago

This is probably the best possible time that someone could type “viral” instead of “virile”.

Frank Furter
Guest
Frank Furter
3 years 6 months ago

Dayn,

My dad thinks I’m a gay. How do I tell him my mom has cancer?

Resolution
Guest
Resolution
3 years 6 months ago

Choose this one this one this one

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
3 years 6 months ago

As a matter of course, Mr. Perry must be interrogated as to his opinions on beer. Or, perhaps, his opinions on other famous Perrys: Perry Mason, Perry Como, Rick Perry, Sir Charles Hubert Hastings Parry (composer and possessor of a highly reputable moustache), The Band Perry, Katy Perry, Perry’s Chicago Delicatessen, perry the alcoholic beverage, and Perry the Platypus.

Other questions which may be of interest to one specific listener, namely myself.

Q. How dare you, sir?
Q. How do you feel about the fact that the largest subsection of your Wikipedia entry is titled ‘NotGraphs’?
Q. How do you feel about the fact that the ‘NotGraphs’ section appears under the heading, ‘Journalism’?
Q. If you had a pet squid, and you were to name it after a philosopher, after which philosopher would you name it?

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
3 years 6 months ago

As an aside, I asked the last of these to right-handed reliever Drew Storen, and he replied, “I have no idea! I am stumped.”

Toasty
Member
3 years 6 months ago

Don’t forget Commodore Matthew C, Perry!

e.gruver
Member
e.gruver
3 years 6 months ago

What is my best course of action for attracting the ladies?

Slave to Louvre
Guest
Slave to Louvre
3 years 6 months ago

If you were a pro wrestler, would you finish opponents via submission hold or breathtaking finishing move? Please articulate.

AnthonyRizzo_Jackass
Guest
AnthonyRizzo_Jackass
3 years 6 months ago

What is the most interesting comment your wife has uttered in the bedroom?

ElJosharino
Member
ElJosharino
3 years 6 months ago

If you were to go camping with Einstein, Mr. T, and former MLB commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis, who would build the campfire?

Chris Cwik
Member
Member
3 years 6 months ago

What is the worst possible insult you could think to say to another man?

Mike
Guest
3 years 6 months ago

I really can’t wait for this podcast.

HollowCost
Guest
HollowCost
3 years 6 months ago

100 people were surveyed, we’ve got the top 6 answers, name an activity that can be performed in public without any clothing

Womeningitis
Guest
Womeningitis
3 years 6 months ago

What is the most racist comment Carson has uttered, maybe narrow down to three?

nelson saint
Guest
nelson saint
3 years 6 months ago

how can a red-blooded american be a vegetarian?

NurseInternet
Guest
NurseInternet
3 years 6 months ago

Why are retarded kids so timeless?

martyn
Guest
martyn
3 years 6 months ago

What’s your favourite colour on a bee?

Mike
Guest
3 years 6 months ago

Could you provide some motivation for a University student heading into exams?

tyler
Guest
tyler
3 years 6 months ago

podcast host carson cistulli frequently relies on crowd sourcing to substitute for hot sports opinions in his work on fangraphs, yet crowd sourcing has also given us items of such dubious quality as a wikipedia article about carson cistulli with at least 75 references, some of them not obviously links to malware.

my question then is this:
who would you trust with your life: crowds, or carson cistulli?

Kyle
Member
3 years 6 months ago

From my wife: What is your favorite Lord of the Rings character?

dbake005
Member
dbake005
3 years 6 months ago

f***, marry, kill

alabama fans
yankee fans
laker fans

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
3 years 6 months ago

same rules, but for

Thomas Jefferson
James Monroe
John Quincy Adams

dbake005
Member
dbake005
3 years 6 months ago

What was the worst job you had as a high school or college student?

Mike
Guest
3 years 6 months ago

If forced to do one, which would you do?

1) Renounce your love of the founding fathers
2) Make sweet sweet love to one Mr. Cistulli

Chris Cwik
Member
Member
3 years 6 months ago

He’s likely already done the second thing. Forcibly, I might add.

Carson Cistulli
Guest
Carson Cistulli
3 years 6 months ago

the first time. one learns to enjoy it.

Rachel
Guest
Rachel
3 years 6 months ago

As a female, should it concern me that I enjoy these podcasts?

dbake005
Member
dbake005
3 years 6 months ago

On a serious note: Besides writing, baseball, and the combination of those two, what is something you are passionate about?

Buddy Redman
Guest
Buddy Redman
3 years 6 months ago

You have two machines. One will summon 3 patriots of your choosing. The other will transport the 4 of you to any time and place. How do you use them?

dbake005
Member
dbake005
3 years 6 months ago

winner

Resolution
Guest
Resolution
3 years 6 months ago

I hope Hacksaw Jim Duggan is one of them

dbake005
Member
dbake005
3 years 6 months ago

you can take three books to a desert island with you… (don’t worry you get a gun to turn on yourself once you read the three books)… which books do you take?

Dame dayn perry
Guest
Dame dayn perry
3 years 6 months ago

Dean moriarty or Patrick Bateman. Or; should I quit my job at Citibank and go to grad school.

slick guy rick
Guest
slick guy rick
3 years 6 months ago

What’s the point of all this? Why are we here?

guillermo
Guest
guillermo
3 years 6 months ago

Ask Dayn to please comment on his adoration for the “Your In America bot.” I believe that he said following this bot that corrects the grammar of those who say “your in America, speak English” on Twitter by retweeting and telling them “it’s you’re” was good for the soul.

dbake005
Member
dbake005
3 years 6 months ago

he did. what’s missing here

guillermo
Guest
guillermo
3 years 6 months ago

?Como? No te entiendo, dbake005.

Dave Barker
Member
3 years 6 months ago

Mr. Perry,
Is it true that in a past life you cabareted as a turn-of-the-century coquette named Perry Tinkle Blue?

samuelraphael
Guest
samuelraphael
3 years 6 months ago

Dayn Perry, how do I make my girlfriend like me again?

Big-Time Timmy Jim Tim Jimmy Tim Jim Jim Tim
Guest
Big-Time Timmy Jim Tim Jimmy Tim Jim Jim Tim
3 years 6 months ago

Stop f******* other women.

PrettyRicky
Member
PrettyRicky
3 years 6 months ago

What is one question you would like to ask America?

War2d2
Guest
3 years 6 months ago

It’s free association time at the ol’ ballyard! I say a word or phrase, you tell me the first thing that comes to mind. For example, I say “Nathan Hale,” you say “Patriot.”

As follows:

Communist Subversive
Dandified Misanthrope
Saxon Sympathizer
The Queen Mum’s Henchman
Cistulli

Are you familiar with the Ouroboros? The symbol of eternal rebirth, of something that turns in upon itself? Because I believe the list I proffered did just that.

Boom, bitches.

Jason and the Ergonomic Chair
Guest
Jason and the Ergonomic Chair
3 years 6 months ago

Dayn Perry, can you tell me about your illness?

Dildo Baggins
Guest
Dildo Baggins
3 years 6 months ago

What is your favorite state, geograhically and mentally?

Kris
Guest
Kris
3 years 6 months ago

How many years of sleeping with 19-year old girls does Mike Trout have left before it gets weird and creepy?

Kris
Guest
Kris
3 years 6 months ago

and should we expect a corresponding decline in defensive metrics as he approaches that particular stage in life?

Psyduck
Member
Member
Psyduck
3 years 6 months ago

American Hero, Oliver Hazard Perry has such an awesome middle name. Is your middle name as cool as his. Also, why does an American Arch-Patriot such as yourself spend his time leaning against a wall and dreaming of the great American enemy, and traitor to our country, Robert E. Lee?

Toasty
Member
3 years 6 months ago

So glad both of the Commodores Perry have been independently mentioned in these comments.

Mike
Guest
Mike
3 years 6 months ago

What is your opinion on Canadians?

Somebody's Livan Hernandez
Guest
Somebody's Livan Hernandez
3 years 6 months ago

If life is fleeting and a baseball was thrown in a forest but nobody was around and my girlfriend cheated on me, how long will it be until the first time machine was already invented and the futuristic traveler goes back in time to our future?

diegosanchez
Guest
diegosanchez
3 years 6 months ago

If Carl Everett approached you with two loaded firearms and asked you if you believed dinosaurs ever existed, what would your response be?

jcxy
Guest
jcxy
3 years 6 months ago

Three questions:

1. What’s the last great book you read? Note that the Constitution is not a book.

2, Does he prefer vegetarian recipes that simply omit meat or recipes that are designed to be meatless from the start?

3. What is his favorite Chevy Chase movie?

RA Rowe
Guest
RA Rowe
3 years 6 months ago

While recommending the podcast to a friend I referred to the stylings of yourself and Carson as being those of an “erudite dumbass.” Is this a proper categorization?

betraeus
Guest
betraeus
3 years 6 months ago

how accomplished does one need to be to have a mistress accepted in polite company?

yaboynate
Member
yaboynate
3 years 6 months ago

You are in a footrace with Carson. You are twice as fast as Carson, so you give him a headstart. You finally begin running and approach Carson with the intent to pass him and win the race. As you move closer to him, however, he has also moved half as much further away from you such that you can never quite seem to catch up to him. How is it then that you are able to pass the slow-footed Carson and win the race?

Bobby Higginson
Guest
Bobby Higginson
3 years 6 months ago

I will be driving home from work in ca. 30 minutes and this highly anticipated podcast hasn’t been posted yet! This is most distressing…

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