Submit Questions for Totally Vapid Dayn Perry Podcast

Dayn Perry and I are recording his stupid weekly podcast appearance at 11am ET tomorrow (Wednesday).

Feel free to submit questions or comments or a brief description of your nightmares in which Perry has appeared in the comment section below — or don’t, as, after all, we’re all going to die someday.

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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

63 Responses to “Submit Questions for Totally Vapid Dayn Perry Podcast”

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  1. fhyrew says:

    Why does Dayn hate the beach?

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  2. Matt says:

    Hey Dayn, what if God was one of us?

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    • deadhead says:

      Hey Dayn, as I took my mistress to get her fetus aborted the other day, I took a gander at the protestors outside the clinic. Is there a fetus model talent scout for pro-life signage that determines which ones are most photogenic? If so, should they have pageants?

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  3. Zach Sanders says:

    A male friend of mine (who is totally not me) has begun using the women’s deodorant brand “Secret,” because he — again, certainly not me — claims it works and smells better. Should I allow him — you know, that person who isn’t me — to continue to use it, or is this sort of thing uncouth in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave?

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  4. Jake L says:

    If you were transported back to the time of the founders and framers as a young and viral Dayn Perry, who would get more revolution tail, you, Ben Franklin, or other?

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    • ElJosharino says:

      This is probably the best possible time that someone could type “viral” instead of “virile”.

      +11 Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. Frank Furter says:


    My dad thinks I’m a gay. How do I tell him my mom has cancer?

    +9 Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. Well-Beered Englishman says:

    As a matter of course, Mr. Perry must be interrogated as to his opinions on beer. Or, perhaps, his opinions on other famous Perrys: Perry Mason, Perry Como, Rick Perry, Sir Charles Hubert Hastings Parry (composer and possessor of a highly reputable moustache), The Band Perry, Katy Perry, Perry’s Chicago Delicatessen, perry the alcoholic beverage, and Perry the Platypus.

    Other questions which may be of interest to one specific listener, namely myself.

    Q. How dare you, sir?
    Q. How do you feel about the fact that the largest subsection of your Wikipedia entry is titled ‘NotGraphs’?
    Q. How do you feel about the fact that the ‘NotGraphs’ section appears under the heading, ‘Journalism’?
    Q. If you had a pet squid, and you were to name it after a philosopher, after which philosopher would you name it?

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  7. e.gruver says:

    What is my best course of action for attracting the ladies?

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  8. Slave to Louvre says:

    If you were a pro wrestler, would you finish opponents via submission hold or breathtaking finishing move? Please articulate.

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  9. AnthonyRizzo_Jackass says:

    What is the most interesting comment your wife has uttered in the bedroom?

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  10. ElJosharino says:

    If you were to go camping with Einstein, Mr. T, and former MLB commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis, who would build the campfire?

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  11. Chris Cwik says:

    What is the worst possible insult you could think to say to another man?

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  12. HollowCost says:

    100 people were surveyed, we’ve got the top 6 answers, name an activity that can be performed in public without any clothing

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  13. nelson saint says:

    how can a red-blooded american be a vegetarian?

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  14. Womeningitis says:

    What is the most racist comment Carson has uttered, maybe narrow down to three?

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  15. NurseInternet says:

    Why are retarded kids so timeless?

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  16. martyn says:

    What’s your favourite colour on a bee?

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  17. Mike says:

    Could you provide some motivation for a University student heading into exams?

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  18. tyler says:

    podcast host carson cistulli frequently relies on crowd sourcing to substitute for hot sports opinions in his work on fangraphs, yet crowd sourcing has also given us items of such dubious quality as a wikipedia article about carson cistulli with at least 75 references, some of them not obviously links to malware.

    my question then is this:
    who would you trust with your life: crowds, or carson cistulli?

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  19. Kyle says:

    From my wife: What is your favorite Lord of the Rings character?

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  20. dbake005 says:

    f***, marry, kill

    alabama fans
    yankee fans
    laker fans

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  21. dbake005 says:

    What was the worst job you had as a high school or college student?

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  22. Mike says:

    If forced to do one, which would you do?

    1) Renounce your love of the founding fathers
    2) Make sweet sweet love to one Mr. Cistulli

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  23. Rachel says:

    As a female, should it concern me that I enjoy these podcasts?

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  24. dbake005 says:

    On a serious note: Besides writing, baseball, and the combination of those two, what is something you are passionate about?

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  25. Buddy Redman says:

    You have two machines. One will summon 3 patriots of your choosing. The other will transport the 4 of you to any time and place. How do you use them?

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  26. dbake005 says:

    you can take three books to a desert island with you… (don’t worry you get a gun to turn on yourself once you read the three books)… which books do you take?

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  27. Dame dayn perry says:

    Dean moriarty or Patrick Bateman. Or; should I quit my job at Citibank and go to grad school.

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  28. slick guy rick says:

    What’s the point of all this? Why are we here?

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  29. guillermo says:

    Ask Dayn to please comment on his adoration for the “Your In America bot.” I believe that he said following this bot that corrects the grammar of those who say “your in America, speak English” on Twitter by retweeting and telling them “it’s you’re” was good for the soul.

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  30. Dave Barker says:

    Mr. Perry,
    Is it true that in a past life you cabareted as a turn-of-the-century coquette named Perry Tinkle Blue?

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  31. samuelraphael says:

    Dayn Perry, how do I make my girlfriend like me again?

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  32. PrettyRicky says:

    What is one question you would like to ask America?

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  33. War2d2 says:

    It’s free association time at the ol’ ballyard! I say a word or phrase, you tell me the first thing that comes to mind. For example, I say “Nathan Hale,” you say “Patriot.”

    As follows:

    Communist Subversive
    Dandified Misanthrope
    Saxon Sympathizer
    The Queen Mum’s Henchman

    Are you familiar with the Ouroboros? The symbol of eternal rebirth, of something that turns in upon itself? Because I believe the list I proffered did just that.

    Boom, bitches.

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  34. Jason and the Ergonomic Chair says:

    Dayn Perry, can you tell me about your illness?

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  35. Dildo Baggins says:

    What is your favorite state, geograhically and mentally?

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  36. Kris says:

    How many years of sleeping with 19-year old girls does Mike Trout have left before it gets weird and creepy?

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    • Kris says:

      and should we expect a corresponding decline in defensive metrics as he approaches that particular stage in life?

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  37. Cy Duck says:

    American Hero, Oliver Hazard Perry has such an awesome middle name. Is your middle name as cool as his. Also, why does an American Arch-Patriot such as yourself spend his time leaning against a wall and dreaming of the great American enemy, and traitor to our country, Robert E. Lee?

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  38. Mike says:

    What is your opinion on Canadians?

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  39. Somebody's Livan Hernandez says:

    If life is fleeting and a baseball was thrown in a forest but nobody was around and my girlfriend cheated on me, how long will it be until the first time machine was already invented and the futuristic traveler goes back in time to our future?

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  40. diegosanchez says:

    If Carl Everett approached you with two loaded firearms and asked you if you believed dinosaurs ever existed, what would your response be?

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  41. jcxy says:

    Three questions:

    1. What’s the last great book you read? Note that the Constitution is not a book.

    2, Does he prefer vegetarian recipes that simply omit meat or recipes that are designed to be meatless from the start?

    3. What is his favorite Chevy Chase movie?

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  42. RA Rowe says:

    While recommending the podcast to a friend I referred to the stylings of yourself and Carson as being those of an “erudite dumbass.” Is this a proper categorization?

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  43. betraeus says:

    how accomplished does one need to be to have a mistress accepted in polite company?

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  44. yaboynate says:

    You are in a footrace with Carson. You are twice as fast as Carson, so you give him a headstart. You finally begin running and approach Carson with the intent to pass him and win the race. As you move closer to him, however, he has also moved half as much further away from you such that you can never quite seem to catch up to him. How is it then that you are able to pass the slow-footed Carson and win the race?

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  45. Bobby Higginson says:

    I will be driving home from work in ca. 30 minutes and this highly anticipated podcast hasn’t been posted yet! This is most distressing…

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