Suggested Products for Steve Carlton’s Business

Deadspin recently reprinted a fascinating look into the depths of Steve Carlton‘s mind. Turns out, a cabal of 300 people is running the world. Or the Jews. Or the Chinese. Or the bankers.

It can get a little confusing to keep it straight. And so, with a recount of the tale that cost Steve Carlton his life savings freshly in mind, here are a few suggestions for his tchochtka-selling business.

Branded Steve Carlton Spinning Conspiracy Wheel ($29.95)
Whom should we blame this latest catastrophe upon?
Phillies Brown UVC Piping ($5.95 per yard)
Protect your guns in dung!
It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you” T-Shirt ($24.95)
Check the classy “32” logo on the shoulders!
Nuclear Safety Outfit ($39.95)
Available in camo!
The Second Shooter’s Shooter (best offer)
From the grassy knoll to your hands, with certificate!
Tap Water De-Flourinator ($49.95)
Who needs flouride? Also: turns tap water a healthy shade of Phillies’ brown!
Tupac’s Home Phone Number ($1996.00)
Chat with the GOAT!
The Moon Landing Set ($1969.00)
See how it all *really* happened!
Steve Carlton “Number 32″ Gamma Ray Protection Helmet
Also works against line drives!




Print This Post

Graphs: Baseball, Roto, Beer, brats (OK, no graphs for that...yet), repeat. Follow him on Twitter @enosarris.


2 Responses to “Suggested Products for Steve Carlton’s Business”

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
  1. MikeS says:

    Hey, flouridation is sapping and impurifying our precious bodily fluids.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>