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Superior Names of Baseball History

Eddie “The Brat/Muggsy” Stanky

Eddie Stanky is among the many illustrious players to have two nicknames: The Brat and Muggsy. You, dear acned reader, do not need me to explain the obvious superiority of the Muggsy nickname (for the clean face’d aristocrats who have mis-browsed here: Eddie “Muggsy” Stanky — all “ee” endings!).

Cletus Elwood “Boots” Poffenberger

Per the Internet:

After a night of heavy drinking while on a road trip with the Tigers in 1937, Poffenberger called room service and said, “I’ll have the breakfast of champions.” When asked if he wanted cereal, [Poffenberger] replied, “Hell, no. Two fried eggs and a bottle of beer.”

Readers, I present your new hero, Boots Poffenberger.

Harry Lee “Peanuts” Lowrey

Peanuts Lowrey was five feet, eight inches, and a half inch tall. Apparently his uncle nicknamed him Peanuts. If his uncle was anything like 95% of the world’s uncles, he did so with a beer in hand while pretending to eat the child Lowrey.

George Henry “Snuffy” Stirnweiss

In what can be described as “one of the best ways to go,” Snuffy Stirnweiss died in a fantastic train crash. I’m not a big fan of dying, especially dying young like Snuffy, but if — as they say — it truly comes to all of us, then mark me down for the high-speed locomotive option.

Elmer Sexauer

I do not care how to properly pronounce this name. Majesty cannot be misquoted.

Per Wikipaedia:

The book Carl Erskine‘s Tales from the Dodgers Dugout: Extra Innings (2004) includes short stories from former Dodger pitcher Carl Erskine. Sexauer is prominent in one of these stories, entitled “Elmer and Jocko”. The story chronicles a memorable interaction between Sexauer and Hall of Fame umpire Jocko Conlan. An unknown Dodger had thrown a towel on the field towards Conlan, however, Conlan did not spot the culprit. The umpire approached Dodger manager Burt Shotton, informing him that someone was going to be ejected for the incident. Although Shotton was also unaware of who threw the towel, he offered up Sexauer to Conlan, since Sexauer was a rookie who had just been brought up from the minors. Before having thrown a single pitch in the majors, Sexauer had been ejected. Although he had not thrown the towel, Sexauer left the field to a chorus of boos from the opposing crowd.