T.R. Screwed Again

As you may be aware, the Nationals, because of a searing antipathy for all things Bull-Moose, have conspired never to allow Teddy Roosevelt to win the Presidents’ Race. I can think of plenty of injustices in the world, but few measure up to this one.

Well, recently the enterprising Mr. Roosevelt, taking his cues from Great Men of History like Gob Bluth and Jim Bowden, showed the plucky boldness that has allowed this fine republic of his to vanquish anything, save for morbid obesity and a bunch of other stuff …

As you can see, the fix was in. As for Screech the Eagle, who is clearly an asshole, a few words of grave warning … First, I know the Great Ejector, and you, sir, are no Great Ejector. Second, are you aware what Prez Roos does to lower-evolved varmints who get between him and what’s his? Let us remind you:

Your move, cuckoo bird.

Patriot’s gratitude to Dave Brown and the barrel o’ monkeys that is his Twitter feed.

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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

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It’s gettin’ so a businessman can’t expect no return from a fixed fight. Now, if you can’t trust a fix, what can you trust? For a good return, you gotta go bettin’ on chance – and then you’re back with anarchy, right back in the jungle.