The All-Ugly Baseball Team Two

Our All-Ugly team continues, on to the position players (who, by the way, would lose in an ugly battle with the pitchers and coaches). (What’s up with that?) (Any pitchers out there want to stand up for their kind?)

And lest any of you agree with my wife that this is all in poor taste, let me remind you that I a) included myself on the team and b) recognize that all of these men are real-life humans with real feelings and that this is all in good fun. Even Chase Utley has his bad days and all that.

Without further caveats, our All-Ugly lineup:

Baserunning Coach — Willie McGee

It’s like the ugly weighs so heavy on his conscience (or face) that he can barely keep his eyes open.

Catcher — Mike Napoli

Maybe it’s just the (dirty) particulars of this picture?

First Baseman — Placido Polanco

Is it the eyes that make the head look big? No. No. It’s the head that makes the head look big.

Second Baseman — Jamey Carroll

This is your typical Jamey Carroll picture. Also: frightening.

Shortstop — Jhonny Peralta

I think, if this was the first time you ever saw Jhonny Peralta, you would think Jhonny Peralta was much bigger than Jhonny Peralta is.

Third Baseman — Jorge Cantu

This is not just about acne, I promise.

Outfield — Shelley Duncan

Sloth in his worst pictures, Officer Tackleberry in his best, Mr. Duncan looks better when he doesn’t smile, which is a problem that many of us have.

Outfield — Jay Gibbons

Almost perfectly imperfect.

Outfield — Corey Hart

He may wear sunglasses at night and have a helmet full of hair, but we all know which Corey Hart would win in a beauty contest.




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Graphs: Baseball, Roto, Beer, brats (OK, no graphs for that...yet), repeat. Follow him on Twitter @enosarris.


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slash12
Member
slash12
4 years 7 months ago

hey! wait a minute…I’m pretty sure that’s a nipple in the napoli picture, since when does notgraph deal in pornography?

TartanElk
Guest
TartanElk
4 years 7 months ago

You don’t want those nipples, trust me.

SiddFinch
Guest
SiddFinch
4 years 7 months ago

Dewey, you don’t want no part of this shhhh-it!

jake
Guest
jake
4 years 7 months ago

It’s either a nipple or a pancake. We can’t be sure.

Yirmiyahu
Member
Yirmiyahu
4 years 7 months ago
bluejaysstatsgeek
Guest
bluejaysstatsgeek
4 years 7 months ago

Clearly, Napoli likes silicone.

Nick
Guest
Nick
4 years 7 months ago

i’m glad you saved Corey Hart for last. he is the whole reason for lists like this, no?

steex
Member
steex
4 years 7 months ago

I can appreciate the Mike Napoli selection as much as the next guy, but Tyler Flowers is clearly uglier.

lollosaurus
Guest
lollosaurus
4 years 7 months ago

If we’re talking ugly White Sox backup catchers, Ramon Castro certainly deserves a mention:

chris shelton ugly
Guest
chris shelton ugly
4 years 7 months ago

that chris shelton is not on this list is a clear oversight. these guys look like brad pitt in heaven compared to good ol Gimme Shelton (from his face).

Yirmiyahu
Member
Yirmiyahu
4 years 7 months ago

1) Placido Polanco isn’t a first baseman.
2) Adrian Gonzalez looks like Satan.
3) There has to be someone better uglier than either of these choices at 1B.

Yirmiyahu
Member
Yirmiyahu
4 years 7 months ago

Also:

Despite the fact that it’s the ugliest picture on the page, that’s one of the most attractive picture of Willie McGee I’ve ever seen. http://www.google.com/search?um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&q=Willie+McGee+baseball&pbx=1&oq=Willie+McGee+baseball&aq=f&aqi=g1g-S3&gs_upl=10996l11922l0l12114l9l8l0l5l5l2l644l1421l0.1.5-2l3l0&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.,cf.osb&biw=1280&bih=590&uss=1

Freddy T
Guest
Freddy T
4 years 7 months ago

Tackleberry, classic!!

Owen G
Guest
Owen G
4 years 7 months ago

Clearly you just couldn’t make up your mind whether Youk belongs at 1B or 3B.

Yirmiyahu
Member
Yirmiyahu
4 years 7 months ago

There’s room at DH!

tomemos
Guest
tomemos
4 years 7 months ago

Where the heck is Hunter Pence??

GotHeem
Guest
GotHeem
4 years 7 months ago

Juan Uribe didn’t make the cut?

Cecil Cooper's Twin
Guest
Cecil Cooper's Twin
4 years 7 months ago

Seriously…..where is Yadier Molina?!? He would win this contest hands down. He looks like a gargoyle in a profile view.

oldjacket
Member
oldjacket
4 years 7 months ago

Yunel Escobar is a 70 ugly, whereas Peralta is only a 50.

Magzzz
Guest
Magzzz
4 years 7 months ago

An all ugly list without John Candelaria?

Dave
Guest
Dave
4 years 7 months ago
neb
Guest
neb
4 years 7 months ago

I know, He would have been one of top picks in an all ugly draft.
Love watching him play but damn he takes a bad picture

bluejaysstatsgeek
Guest
bluejaysstatsgeek
4 years 7 months ago

I think Jamie Carroll looks like a non-Hispanic Robbie Alomar

bluejaysstatsgeek
Guest
bluejaysstatsgeek
4 years 7 months ago

Sorry, Jamey, not Jamie.

Bad Bill
Guest
Bad Bill
4 years 7 months ago

Cantu can’t hold an ugly candle to Daniel Descalso at third. Also: how is it remotely imaginable for Ichiro not to make this team?

Matthias
Guest
3 years 10 months ago

Ichiro? With his perfectly trimmed facial hair and symmetric facial structure? He’s gorgeous.

TheBigDawg
Guest
TheBigDawg
4 years 7 months ago

I believe Shelley Duncan’s family tree doesn’t branch. That is stupid-ugly.

Bad Bill
Guest
Bad Bill
4 years 7 months ago

Little brother Chris wasn’t much to look at, either.

Tuckner
Guest
Tuckner
4 years 7 months ago

Just gonna leave this here…

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