The Cabrera Outrage, In Context

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The Tigers, as you know, signed Miguel Cabrera to a very long contract for a very large amount of money, and while I don’t think it’s the epic mistake of titanic proportions that most of the Internet seems to, I have to admit that it will almost certainly not look good by the last 3-4 years of the deal. But I think as long as TV revenue keeps rising and the Tigers keep putting butts in the seats of Comerica Park (acknowledging that their ability to compete might be hampered by the extra long and expensive Cabrera extension), it won’t be a disaster for the club.

But as I hinted above, the majority feels like the deal is an atrocity somewhere between the rollout of SimCity last year and Idi Amin’s reign in Uganda during the 1970s. Nobody, however, has taken the news harder than the anonymous executives who have been talking to Buster Olney, who would also like you to know he is the victim of your racism.

These executives, according to Olney, are “appalled,” “disgusted,” and “aghast” at the Cabrera contract. This is kind of a higher level of moral outrage than I would expect from around a league that continues to say nothing about the continued employment of Josh Lueke. For let us not forget that, while Miguel Cabrera has been given all of MLB’s money, taking it from the starving mouths of the children of MLB’s owners, who only collectively earned $450 million in revenue last year, Josh Lueke raped a woman. Just so we’re clear, this is the reference scale to tell your run-of-the-mill outrage from that which inspires anonymous MLB executives to trip over each other to get to Buster Olney and titter and gossip away like a cast member of The Hills:

MLB Executive Outrage Scale




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Mike Bates used to have a stupid pseudonym. Now he doesn't because people want to pay him to write about baseball on the Internet and he's really a sell out that way. He is also a Designated Columnist at SBNation, co-founder of The Platoon Advantage, and is an American Carpetbagger on Getting Blanked, the finest in Canadian baseball-type sites. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter here: http://www.twitter.com/commnman


21 Responses to “The Cabrera Outrage, In Context”

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  1. Samuel Rorabaugh says:

    This is too sad for Notgraphs. :(

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • Catoblepas says:

      to me, this is what notgraphs is all about. facing the sad reality of our slowly ending lives head on, with some banknotes harper jokes mixed in.

      +28 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Chaco Chicken says:

    Just so I understand, this the point where I cover my windows with plastic and duct tape, right?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. tylersnotes says:

    I thought elevated was “A college student had legal representation when negotiating with a major league team”

    +11 Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Shrewd Cat says:

    Billionaires giving multi-millionaires too much money.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. I'm Still Toivo says:

    Butt putting is a big issue for the kids here in Copper Harbour, what with the mines being tapped out and all.
    If Mr. Cabera’s paycheck was in the the local economy, why he’d be a roll modem for the kids. I’d have no problem with that.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. The Return of Rambo Diaz says:

    This chart should be on Clubhouse walls right next to the Rule 21 warning.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. Shrewd Cat says:

    Cabrera has got a bigger extension than Mike Trout. Wink, wink.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. Jon L. says:

    This is too incisive for NotGraphs.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. Crack Davis says:

    This is too ineluctable for NotGraphs.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. Crack Davis says:

    This is too nonpareil for NotGraphs.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  11. Crack Davis says:

    This is too interminable for NotGraphs.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  12. Crack Davis says:

    This is too hyperbolicsyllabicsesquedalymistic for NotGraphs.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  13. Gabes says:

    Where does “Brett Myers punching his wife” sit on this scale? Because that guy’s a grade-A asshat as well.

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  14. Gyre says:

    Waaaa Waaaa hey Dave, I didn’t get paid either!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  15. me says:

    Does this mean that sex offenders are the new market inefficiency? Are rapists the new moneyball?!?!

    Oh, man, is Beane going to be in a pickle this time.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • ghug says:

      And if he’s not careful, a pickle will be in him.

      I’ll see myself out.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

      • JAW says:

        Is there button where I can “thumbs down” the first part of your comment and “thumbs up” the second?

        And yes, I know that “‘thumbs up’ the second” will probably be either a) the next joke this thread makes or b) the name of the first-place fantasy team in your league this year.

        Vote -1 Vote +1

  16. Fister Furbush says:

    The team with this name has finished first, last, and first again the last three years.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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