The Dayn Perry Hello

If the Dayn Perry Hello seems aggressive, you have not yet traveled to the shallowest depths of Mississippi.

The Dayn Perry Hello is suitable for foes, lovers, former foes, future lovers, dignitaries, holy men, street merchants, plumbers, members of the Illuminati, and former NFL coaches — as well as any manner of post-coital handshake and/or corporate takeover.

The Dayn Perry Hello should not be confused with the Dayn Perry Goodbye, which is the last thing you hear before you die — destined to be an earwig of your soul for all eternity.

Side affects of the Dayn Perry Hello include immaculate conception, Grapenuts™ nuts, heart-prostate role-reversal, puffy nipples, sudden-onset luminescence, drowsiness, and sugar shits. It is highly recommended that users operate heavy machinery after experiencing the Dayn Perry Hello.

Scientists are in the final stages of testing the Dayn Perry Hello as an alternative fuel source. Results, so far, have been positive. The Dayn Perry Hello can be used as a garnish for a nice steak dinner.

Many of you may be seeing loved ones this holiday. May I recommend the Dayn Perry Hello when you first encounter them? For the Dayn Perry Hello answers all the traditional catching-up-small-talk questions in one fail swoop, leaving you and your loved ones to enjoy a nice meal in utter, awkward silence.




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David G. Temple is the Managing Editor of TechGraphs and a contributor to FanGraphs, NotGraphs and The Hardball Times. He hosts the award-eligible podcast Stealing Home. Dayn Perry once called him a "Bible Made of Lasers." Follow him on Twitter @davidgtemple.


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Jhonny Peralta
Guest
Jhonny Peralta
2 years 8 months ago

Mr. Temple, if I use DPH will it show up during a drug screening exam?

Mr. Smooth
Guest
Mr. Smooth
2 years 8 months ago

The Dayn Perry Hello would make an amazing ringtone. So would Dayn Perry Donkey Noise.

triple_r
Member
2 years 8 months ago

They should be added to the existing Fangraphs ringtone. Posthaste.

stockhfcrx
Guest
stockhfcrx
2 years 8 months ago

I tried this on my cat and now I have two cats.

AC of DC
Guest
AC of DC
2 years 8 months ago

I am actually a fan of the post-coital handshake, but note that not all recipients have appeared as fond.

Norm Macdonald
Guest
Norm Macdonald
2 years 8 months ago

The Dayn Perry Hello gave me stage-4 gonorrhea. The Dayn Perry Goodbye made me yearn for the relatively carefree days of stage 4 gonorrhea.

Damaso's Burnt Shirt
Guest
Damaso's Burnt Shirt
2 years 8 months ago

Yeah, is it like me you’re looking for?

RA Rowe
Guest
RA Rowe
2 years 8 months ago

didn’t realize until i heard it, that this was why i had come to fangraphs today.

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