The Glorious, Glorious Mustache-Spectacles Spectrum

BEHOLD! THE WORLD’S MOST INSTRUCTIVE SPECTRUM, THE MUSTACHE-SPECTACLES SPECTRUM:

THIS IS THE MOMENT THE PROPHETS FORETOLD, WHEN THEY SPAKE:

…AND THERE SHALL COME A SPECTRUM, A BEAM OF WISDOM AND ETHNICITY THAT STARTS THICK AND FUZZLED AND CURLING AROUND THINE UPPER LIP, BECOMES THINNED AND VAGUELY HISPANIC WITH AN AFRO SQUEEZING FROM YONDER CAP, AND ENDS PURE AND PURELY BESPECTACLED, YET MILDLY UNSURE IF THE PICTURE HATH YET BEEN TAKEN — AND YE SHALL UNDERSTAND THE LOCKED CAPS AND WHY WE HATH TO YOU GIVEN THEM. LET IT BE SO. (AXFORD 5:9)

NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE — LENNY SAKATA, WILLIE MUELLER, AND DANNY BOITANO.

DANNY BOITANO, WILLIE MUELLER, AND LENNY SAKATA. ALL ONE TEAM, ALL ONE SPECTRUM, BUT EACH A SEPARATE GLORY.




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Bradley writes for FanGraphs and The Hardball Times. Follow him on Twitter @BradleyWoodrum.


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Big Jgke
Member
Big Jgke
4 years 3 months ago

Truly, what would Danny Boitano do?

Dave
Guest
Dave
4 years 3 months ago

He’d probably kick an ass or two. That’s what Brian Boitano’d do.

No hang on, that’s Brian. I’m not sure about Danny

Martyn
Guest
Martyn
4 years 3 months ago

As my infirm old grandmother used to say, ‘f*&!@n’ booootiful’!

shibboleth
Guest
shibboleth
4 years 3 months ago

hallelujah, amen, ghesundheit!

Steve the Pirate
Guest
Steve the Pirate
4 years 3 months ago

Given the negative WAR produced by these players during their tenures with the Brewers, Future Stars would not be an accurate description of the mustache spectrum. That said, the lack of a mustache/spectacle adjustment to fWAR may be skewing the numbers here. Maybe the thinktank can come up with a nWAR (notGraphs WAR) for situations like these.

Peter R
Guest
Peter R
4 years 3 months ago

That is a superb idea.

nubillybaroo
Guest
nubillybaroo
4 years 3 months ago

Lenn Sakata has not shaved a day in his life.

Marshall
Guest
Marshall
4 years 3 months ago

Gary Oldman, Bartolo Colon, George Takei?

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