The Internet, She Loves Us x3

There are days when the internet doesn’t provide much joy and I start to think maybe I’m spending too much time in front of a computer screen — that I need to learn more about the different species of birds in my area or maybe finally learn to do a cartwheel or something. Then days like today happen, and I know that I was wrong about the internet. She loves us, she provides for us, and she brings us what we demand:

1. How Many Altuves? is a website designed to measure things in Altuves, which is how I will be measuring everything in my life from now on. For the record, a blue whale is 14.76 Altuves, my couch is 1.66 Altuves, and a trip around the bases is 66.46 Altuves. My heart is an infinite number of Altuves, running like hamsters on a wheel and keeping the blood running through my veins.


“I’m talking Saberhagen in an odd numbered year”

3. And something I miraculously managed to miss last week: the Rays dressed up like “nerds” in honor of Ken Rosenthal.

Don’t you get the feeling that entire Rays team is just having more fun in general than adults are supposed to be allowed to have? Nerd Matt Moore: Call me.

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Summer Anne Burton is a writer and illustrator living in Austin, Texas. She is drawing pictures of Every Hall of Famer.

12 Responses to “The Internet, She Loves Us x3”

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  1. Eric says:

    Nerdy matt moore is unbelievable

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  2. Paul Sporer says:

    Jack Cracker… so excellent. Part 1 for those interested –

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  3. dockmarm says:

    If 1 Altuve = 1.651 meters, and the speed of light in a vacuum is 299,792,458 meters / second, then we may define 1 LightAltuve as the amount of time it takes light to travel the distance of 1 Altuve.

    1 LightAltuve ≈ 5.5 nanoseconds

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    • jcxy says:

      which means that the universe is 4.5×10^26 altuves in diameter.


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    • NatsFan73 says:

      Much in the same way as an ounce is alternately a measure of mass and volume, an Altuve is both a measure of distance and (obviously) speed. We can get Altuve’s speed based on a 15.39 seconds time in a 2011 inside the park HR, which becomes 23.39 ft/sec. The speed of light is 983,571,056.43 ft/sec. Therefore the speed of light is 42,047,662.66 Altuves.

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  4. Jack says:

    Whats the conversion rate for Altuves into Ecksteins? 4 Altuves=1 Eckstein?

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  5. Robert J. Baumann says:

    Oh dear god Elliott Johnson’s skinny jeans.

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  6. ccoop says:

    I very literally hate the Rays for how cool they are.

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  7. jrogers says:

    An Altuve appears to be slightly larger than a Danzig!

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  8. 1 summer’s attentio = I fulla altuve

    Go fangraphs

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