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The Lee Elia Profane Robot

On the afternoon of April 29, 1983, Cubs skipper Lee Elia treated Americans to the most gorgeous, most resplendent managerial tirade in the history of history. Please, drink humbly, thankfully and deeply of his perfect words, which will forevermore redound through the vaulted halls of this fine Republic.

Now fast forward to the year 2083, when Robot Lee Elia will regale the adoring Chicago crowd at Panda Express Ballstadium (formerly Wrigley Field) with a dramatic reading of Human Lee Elia’s sacred, inerrant utterances. By the way, the video that follows, because of Human Lee Elia’s sacred, inerrant utterances, is so not safe for the conventional workplace that I have not the words to warn you sufficiently.

Now, the power and the glory …