The Miami Marlins Home Run Feature IS…

Add “in bed” to conclude the following opinions about that one thing, for hours of fun [in bed]:

  • as phenomenally tacky as you imagined.
  • every bit as trippy as we expected.
  • really happening.
  • an oversized shooting gallery.
  • still terriesome…awerrible…
  • alive and terrible.
  • a real thing, and it’s monstrous.
  • predictably amazing.
  • fully operational.
  • as frightening as you might have expected
  • huge. That is all.
  • fully working now.
  • taller than a pyramid of bulldozers.
  • a little big. Amazing.
  • priceless.
  • the most super thing in baseball history and I love it. [Note: This is obviously actually about Notgraphs. In bed.]
  • way worse than I thought it could be.
  • even better than i could have imagined.
  • currently being erected.

Thanks for visiting today’s sexual fortune cookie!

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Summer Anne Burton is a writer and illustrator living in Austin, Texas. She is drawing pictures of Every Hall of Famer.

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Ignacio Cifuentes

a mutation of the mets apple