“The Public Is Stupid:” Voting For the Ron Swanson Baseball Hall of Fame

A great philosopher and beloved dead uncle once said “with great power comes great responsibility.” To date, no one has deemed me worthy of receiving great power (and rightfully so; I would misuse it the first chance I’d get), and so I’m reduced to creating and maintaining a fictional Hall of Fame based on the teachings of fictional character Ron Swanson. This gives me some infinitesimally small amount of power, and since Uncle Ben never mentioned that, I don’t feel obligated to exercise any responsibility at all. As such, I am abdicating any and all responsibility in the selection process, save for organizing the candidates for your voting pleasure.

Based on your feedback, the new nominees are:

Wade Boggs – For mustache-having, For love of meat (fried chicken before every game) and scotch, For popularity with the ladies, and For unquenchable iconoclasm as expressed through his appearances on The Simpsons, Seinfeld, and Cheers

George Herman Ruth – For love of meat and scotch, For popularity with the ladies, For unquenchable iconoclasm, For disdain of unnecessary rules and regulations, For general joie de vivre.

Bill Veeck – For toughness (lost a leg in World War II), For woodworking (carved an ashtray into wooden leg he received after losing leg in World War II), For love of meat and scotch, For unquenchable iconoclasm, For blatant disdain for unnecessary rules and regulations (hired Eddie Gaedel to pinch hit), For general distrust of authority. You know what, just go read this comment.

Satchel Paige – For love of meat and scotch, For unquenchable iconoclasm, For blatant disdain for unnecessary rules and regulations (jumped contracts constantly in his youth), For general distrust of authority.

Mickey Mantle – For love of meat and scotch, For general popularity with the ladies, For toughness (played on a bad knee his whole career).

Ted Williams – For love of meat and scotch, For having wives with similar names, For toughness (fought in both World War II and the Korean War, crash-landed a plane and walked away), For unquenchable iconoclasm

And the holdovers from last year:

For toughness – Cal Ripken, Iron Man Joe McGinnity, Thurmon Munson

For blatant disdain for unnecessary rules and regulations – Gaylord Perry, Jim Bunning, The 1890s Baltimore Orioles, Dock Ellis

For love of meat and scotch – David Wells, Billy Martin, John Kruk

For Nickname – Duke Snider

For unquenchable iconoclasm – R.A. Dickey, Dick Allen

For killing a man in cold blood – Carl Mays

For mustache-having and intimidation factor– Goose Gossage

For saving the American flag from a couple of  damn hippies–Rick Monday

Ok, the voting is now open. As before, the leading vote getter and everyone who receives at least 75% of that leader’s total will gain the immortality we all seek but will never achieve because we are not good enough:

 





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Mike Bates used to have a stupid pseudonym. Now he doesn't because people want to pay him to write about baseball on the Internet and he's really a sell out that way. He is also a Designated Columnist at SBNation, co-founder of The Platoon Advantage, and is an American Carpetbagger on Getting Blanked, the finest in Canadian baseball-type sites. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter here: http://www.twitter.com/commnman


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Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
2 years 9 months ago

I was unable to contain my enthusiasm and voted for Boggs, Ruth, Veeck, Paige, Williams, Monday, and Allen.

This is your friendly reminder to vote for Bill Veeck.

KCDaveInLA
Guest
KCDaveInLA
2 years 9 months ago

I had to vote for Gaylord Perry for proudly bearing the name “Gaylord”.

AlexandertheMeh
Member
AlexandertheMeh
2 years 9 months ago

As a staunch libertarian I’m not sure that Ron Swanson would be onboard with this method of deciding which of these strapping gentlemen should be allowed into the hall that bears his very name. I imagine he might prefer some sort of tournament where these men would prove their worthiness via competitions in chair making, eating of breakfast foods, gold burying, and strait-bowling-ball-rolling. After this fair and honorable competition Ron would retire to his hall, alone, and make the winner wait, indefinitely, for entrance.

Bill
Guest
Bill
2 years 9 months ago

So I take it he’s not a fan of Friedrich Hayek?

AlexandertheMeh
Member
AlexandertheMeh
2 years 9 months ago

Of course not. He does not care for things “filled with the foul stench of European socialism”.

gnomez
Guest
gnomez
2 years 9 months ago

The Senator (lol) doesn’t seem to be a vote-able option.

leeroy
Guest
leeroy
2 years 9 months ago

He would be chosen based on some kind of IQ test, and maybe also a physical tournament, like a decathlon

Adam
Guest
Adam
2 years 9 months ago

And women would be brought to him, maybe… when he desired them.

triple_r
Member
2 years 9 months ago

Isn’t “infinitesimally small” kind of redundant?

Robert J. Baumann
Member
Member
2 years 9 months ago

I voted for Veeck, Paige, and Dickey. I am not Libertarian, as Ron and AlexanderTheMeh are, but I like the latter’s idea for induction nevertheless. Should we be left with a vote, I’d ask that voters consider Ron’s private and simple nature. While Ron is undoubtedly and immensely popular with the ladies, he is nothing of a playboy like Mantle, Ruth, and several others listed here, and probably he would be put off by such displays as theirs.

John Elway
Guest
2 years 9 months ago

For the love of meat and scotch.

LMHAO!!!

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
2 years 9 months ago

The H stands for… Hucking?

John Elway
Guest
2 years 9 months ago

NEIGHHH!!!!

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