The Rather Prepossessing Miguel Batista

When you lay rheumy eyes upon Miguel Batista’s abovely pictured Gentleman’s Ensemble, the first words upon your lips — upon them like libidinous kisses from Joan Collins and Adrienne Barbeau — might be: “Why is he wearing that?” They should not be. The first words upon your lips — upon them like the unbound breasts of Susan Anton and Billy Dee Williams — should be: “Why am I not wearing that?”

Unless, of course, you are wearing that. In which case, as you were.

As for Don Miguel, the coattails trail his deliberate, Crockett-&-Jones steps like the unrequited feelings of the countesses and sultanas he has known.

(HT: Gentleman Jay Jaffe)




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


11 Responses to “The Rather Prepossessing Miguel Batista”

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  1. Dave Barker says:

    Ladies, unbound those breasts!

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  2. Gherkin Lamar says:

    Good lord, my mind is now populated entirely of areolae springing out of their taffeta imprisonements. Shame on you, Dayn Perry.

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  3. Gherkin Lamar says:

    Good lord, my mind is now populated entirely by a myriad, literally a myriad, of areolae springing out of their taffeta imprisonements. Shame on you, Dayn Perry.

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  4. RamboDiaz says:

    True facts:

    - All members of the 1992 Pirates dressed in that manner.
    - From then until this year, no members of a Pirates team dressed in that manner.
    - Biggest acquisition of Pirates’ past offseason was signing Batista’s tailor.
    - Second biggest acquisition was acquiring Escape from New York on BetaMax

    All indisputably true facts. All.

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  5. dp says:

    I always thought of his gait as reminiscent of Crockett and Tubbs, sockless loafers gliding effortlessly over the cracked pavement of mortality. As for unbound breasts, I fear the repercussions of what could unfold, even now, if Billy Dee Williams’ pectorals were unleashed for public consumption. The birth rate would rise to catastrophic proportions.

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  6. olethros says:

    I’m going to need a lot more Colt .45 before I wish to gaze upon the unbound breasts of Lando fucking Calrissian.

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  7. Anon says:

    Mr. Batista is also an experienced magician specializing in levitation.

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  8. Mrs. Cistulli says:

    How did these outtakes of the time I took Miguel Batista to Glamor Shots make it onto the Internet? It’s a good thing the bear skin rug ensemble has remained private!

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  9. deadhead says:

    Little known fact: all members of the NYM bullpen are understudies in an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. Mr. Batista is an understudy to the lead in Phantom.

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  10. bowie says:

    Susan Anton… now you got my motor running. Hubba hubba.

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