The Sad Crab of San Francisco

Crabs are generally known to be zany, and that’s probably what the Giants were thinking back in 1984 when they were willingly represented before God and country by The Crazy Crab.

Unfortunately, the Giants hired not a zany, crazy crab but rather a disconsolate crustacean crippled by the unsparing demands of this, our stinking existence:

What you see is a crab among cardboard boxes. This suggests that he was recently a foreclosure victim or perhaps worked in thankless, stricken misery at a dank warehouse. Or perhaps he was freshly murdered and dumped onto a loading dock. Whatever the grim backstory, this crab is “crazy” only in the sense that this nihilistic journey into the abyss (some call it “life”) can easily drive one to the brink of madness.

If Crazy Crab is indeed dead, then no more does he feel pain.

This has been your Daguerreotype of the Evening.

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I heard Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun shot him while he stood in place. They left him Brew Crew-Station-ary.