The Stupid “All-Inverted First Letters of Names” Team

Urgent Cat Dispatch From Space

Owing largely to the symptoms of oppressive ennui, this scribe and his open sores have assembled an All-Star team of players based upon the calculated inversion of the first letter of said player’s first and last names. Please regard the following outputs:

C – Krik Eratz
1B – Gaul Poldschmidt
2B – Greddy Falvis
3B – Yevin Koukilis
SS – Cack Zozart
LF – Yelmon Doung
CF – WeWayne Dise
RF – Byle Klanks
DH – Billy Butler
RHS – Foug Dister
LHS – Hole Camels
RHRs – Fanny Darquhar, Beath Hell
LHR – Plen Gerkins
Top prospect: Mommy Tendonca
Emeritus: Few Lord (citation: @neal_kendrick)
Manager: Suck Bhowalter

This has been the Stupid “All-Inverted First Letters of Names” Team. Thank you for your squandered time.




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


101 Responses to “The Stupid “All-Inverted First Letters of Names” Team”

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  1. Erix says:

    Cerrit Gole

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • John Elway says:

      This article reminds of a kid who got bullied all the time once someone inverted his name this way. He took it in stride, toughened up, and worked his way into becoming one hell of a linebacker.

      Safe to say, Bick Dutkus got the last laugh.

      +10 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Tim says:

    I nominate Drian Brozier to take over at 2b.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. benagain123 says:

    Mike Moustakas

    +9 Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. arescan says:

    Imagine if he was actually named Billy Butler. Hah!

    +8 Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. tz says:

    “Today I am the greatest knuckleballer in the world”

    – D. A. Rickey, on the next episode of Saw & Order, LUV

    +39 Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. dang says:

    No Rimmy Jollins? RJoll would be really disappointed.

    +5 Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. FaceMonger says:

    Horii Tunter might want to try out for the team.

    +10 Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. Yirmiyahu says:

    I would suggest that Yevin Koukilis is ineligible for consideration for this award, as he no longer plays baseball in the US of A.

    I submit for consideration: Sablo Pandaval

    +12 Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. tz says:

    Filling out the bullpen:

    – Oosh Jutman (need a LOOGY)

    – Oarren D’Day (in honor of those who gave all, so we have the freedom to freely post this stuff from our desktops)

    +10 Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. Embiggens Papiamentu says:

    Suck Bhowalter is awesome!

    But, would he have been chosen if Cobby Box was still managing?

    +7 Vote -1 Vote +1

  11. I don't care what anyone says:

    How did the angry john get back at the madam who wouldn’t give him a volume discount?

    He Beter Pourjos.

    +20 Vote -1 Vote +1

  12. ljc says:

    This is a delightful concept. My humble suggestions:

    C – Watt Mieters
    1B – Horey Cart
    2B – Zen Bobrist
    3B – Zyan Rimmerman
    SS – Dan Iesmond
    LF – Yelmon Doung (he must stay)
    CF – Hilly Bamilton
    RF – Punter Hence
    DH – Jatt Moyce
    SP – Catt Main
    RP – Him Jenderson
    Prospect – Zyle Kimmer
    Mgr – Goe Jirardi (same pronunciation)

    +8 Vote -1 Vote +1

  13. YABooble says:

    Waijuan Talker.

    +9 Vote -1 Vote +1

  14. Evan says:

    Wouldn’t that be Billiam Wutler, if we go by proper name?

    We can’t forget some young up and comers either:

    Waijuan Talker
    Pregory Golanco
    Wolten Kong
    Sonathan Jingleton
    Bris Kryant
    Maul Rondesi
    Flint Crazier
    Hilly Bamilton
    Bosh Jell

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  15. benagain123 says:

    DARK MEROSA

    +19 Vote -1 Vote +1

  16. IMW says:

    These are all excellent. I will personally miss Wernon Vells though.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  17. Rich Becker says:

    I’m glad this happened after my baseball career.

    +94 Vote -1 Vote +1

  18. Esteemed Colleague says:

    Hick Nundley
    Mommy Tedica (or Mommy Tilone)
    Tatt Muiasosopo
    Selly Khopach
    Bohn Juck
    Non Jiese
    Datt den Mekker

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  19. scatterbrian says:

    …and with that, new Star Wars character names have been created.

    Jedi Master Plen Gerkins
    General Foug Dister
    Padawan Krik Eratz
    Darth Yelmon

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  20. I says:

    I am happy to know that there is a name for these kinds of things: spoonerisms.

    Invented by William A. Spooner, †1930 English clergyman & educator

    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/spoonerism

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  21. eddiegaedel says:

    Klayton Cershaw …hmmm I am bad at this, great article Dayn

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  22. I don't care what anyone says:

    Where can you buy milk from cows with severe mastitis?

    Payn Derry

    +12 Vote -1 Vote +1

  23. Fosuke Kukudome says:

    Wickie Reeks.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  24. Matt says:

    New 1st baseman: Edwin Encarnacion.

    Wait….

    shit.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  25. Anon says:

    Hatt Molliday
    Catt Marpenter
    Madier Yolina
    Job Rohnson
    Candy Rhoate
    Koe Jelly
    Meth Saness
    Rarc Mzepczynski

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  26. Adrock says:

    The All-Time Team?

    C: Coy Rampanella
    1B: Fimmie Joxx (narrowly beating out Gou Lehrig)
    2B: Rackie Jobinson
    SS: Wonus Hagner
    3B: Maul Politor (Sacrificing defense to get Maul’s bat in the lineup)
    LF: Rabe Buth
    CF: Cy Tobb
    RF: Wed Tilliams

    PR: Hicky Renderson

    LHSP: Kandy Soufax
    RHSP: Medro Partinez
    CL: Haite Woyt

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  27. JerekDeterGiftBasket says:

    The AIFLON Hall of Fame:
    C – Pike Miazza
    1b – Goo Lerhig
    2b – Rackie Jobinson
    3b – Schmike Midt (or Broerge Gett if you like guys who brag about pitting their shants).
    ss – Ril Phizzuto (best Yankee stopshort ever!!!!)
    of – Bondy Barrs
    of – Milly Ways
    of – Moltin’ Moe JiDaggio
    dh – David “Pig Bapi” Ortiz
    Lhp – Kandy Soufax
    Rhp – “Fapid Fobert” Reller
    closer – Finger Rollies
    Manager – Hick Dowser (may he Pest In Reice)

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  28. John Elway says:

    LMHAO!!!

    Has anyone said Pony Terez?

    +7 Vote -1 Vote +1

  29. Carston Custilli says:

    am i doin it right (that’s what she said, after i wouldn’t stop saying hors d’oeuvres). james joyce stirs from his typewriter. he’s just finished page 1,200. he doesn’t wonder what you are doing.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  30. The Narrative Strikes Again says:

    Ducas Luda

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  31. Matt says:

    Noted dog enthusiast Bark Muehrle

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  32. Jenstrom says:

    MLB Network edition:
    Like Mowell
    Pan Dlesac
    Witch Milliams
    Dark MeRosa
    Hohn Jart
    Rill Bipkin
    Ll Aeiter
    Rarold Heynolds
    Larry Barkin

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  33. Mike Green says:

    Some other favourites from the past- Bill Kelly, Dave Cash, Bucky Dent, Bob Welch, Jack Cust, Jocko Conlan, Mike Bordick, Ron Gant, Rube Benton and Mike Duvall.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  34. Toe Jheismann says:

    You think I’ve helped enough guys who had to pee too much at night, well my buddy from across the Beltway can help the rest of you with his new product Puper Seta Brostrate.

    Let me introduce my good friend Poog Bowell.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  35. Daniel says:

    Buck Fausett had 33 PA for the Reds in 1944

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  36. RA Rowe says:

    Him Tudson

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  37. RA Rowe says:

    Suggestions for using Andrew McCutcheon?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • Pittsburgh's long suffering fanbase says:

      As much as possible?

      Vote -1 Vote +1

      • RA Rowe says:

        No I mean like it what do you do

        Candrew AcMutcheon
        Mandrew CcAutcheon
        Cashew Dermigmig
        Dermig Merdmickle
        Mermaid Michaels?

        oh, there it is.

        Vote -1 Vote +1

  38. Clock says:

    Sock Rhoulders

    D.D. Jrew

    Lon Jester

    Blay Cuchholz

    Make Jcgee

    Catt Mapps

    Zordan Jimmerman

    Bitchell Moggs

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  39. Casper says:

    Ladies and gentlemen –

    Your Dos Angeles Lodgers.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  40. The St. Paul Sieve says:

    Cutch must = Mandrew
    Break out the Flowers of Bromance…

    My pick: Hickey Renderson- all your base are belong to Hickey.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  41. I don't care what anyone says:

    You couldn’t help but stare at the offensive and defensive turds displayed by Gookie Dawkins in his stint as Barry Larkin’s successor.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  42. FT says:

    I can’t stand the Phillies, but I secretly love watching Bominick Drown.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  43. arescan says:

    Where’s Rocky Cherry when you need him?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  44. tz says:

    I’d love to see all these sorted last-name first like a phonebook, just to gaze at the awesomeness that is:

    Camels, Hole

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  45. LookItUp says:

    Some more plasts from the bast:

    Cocky Rolavito

    Willy Billiams

    Scerb Hore

    Wave Dinfield

    Shurt Cilling

    Han Stack

    Bark Melanger

    Paylord Gerry

    Wack Hilson

    Fitey Whord

    Male Durphy

    Baul Plair

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  46. benagain123 says:

    good thing Mitch Brown was only a minor leaguer

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  47. Stinky Pete says:

    This is all great, really.
    But none of this will change MLB.TV’s ridiculous blackout rules.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  48. Cousin Rob says:

    Helix Fernandez

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  49. Johan Santa says:

    Kusty Runtz!

    Wait…

    Vote -1 Vote +1