The Youk and Young Manhood Debate

It comes as no surprise that yesterday’s junket into the damnably handsome mind of Young Kevin Youkilis lit the Internet on fire and then made love to the flames. Were the writer’s interpretations chillingly accurate or nothing more than odious revisionism? On this matter, the Republic is as sharply divided as a fraction with rocky chasm running through it and within that chasm a painstakingly sustained demilitarized zone and within that demilitarized zone a river and a fence with razor wire and giant, violent border chickens — talons brandished, natch.

First, the affirmation:

Camisadelgolf has validated my impressions! But, lo, those impressions shall not go unchallenged. Via Navin, known around the office as Canada’s Ric Flair, comes this email from a young lady named Dara who finds my renderings to be the opposite of accurate, whatever such a word would be:

I went to Kevin Youkilis’ high school. He graduated a few years before I got there, but I can declare with a fairly high level of confidence that all of this is dead wrong.

Youk would have fit in just peachily with the flyover-state knockoff-preppy jock culture that dominates Sycamore. He probably deliberately took Ancient History to get his last social-studies credit because he knew it was taught by the wrestling coach. He probably hung around the weight center after school, not because he was lifting but because that’s where his friends were. He probably (almost certainly) dropped serious money and time preparing for Dart Wars. He probably “coached” the junior girl’s team in Powderpuff football. He probably wore a dress shirt and tie on game days and a brand-name hoodie the rest of the time. He probably rolled in late every day senior year but knew the front-desk attendants by name so they couldn’t get too mad at him. And while he was probably friends with a couple National Merit Semifinalists and maybe had been to Jewish summer camp or youth group back in middle school with a few others, if he ever made eye contact with an asthmatic, stereotypical nerd it was a mistake on both their parts, and they rectified it as quickly as possible.

Needless to say, Ms. Dara has booted my assumptions in the rascal basket, and now they are writhing on the ground, compromised and vulnerable to further attack. And at this point, I must bow to the will of the people:


A cracking fine choice!




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


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Carson Cistulli
Admin
Member

I voted!

Democracy!

In action!

ElJosharino
Member
ElJosharino

comment image
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Navin Vaswani
Editor

WOOOOOOOO!!!!1

Resolution
Guest
Resolution

+1

olethros
Guest
olethros

I’m going to believe the anonymous commenter who actually was in school at the same time over the chick who was a freshman when he was in college. Case in point: Jim Thome graduated from my high school two years before my freshman year, and I know nothing about him. Other than the fact that he hits baseballs really fucking hard.

Friedman
Member
Friedman

I went to Sycamore a few years after Kevin and was his next-door neighbor growing up. From what I know of him and his family…I’m gonna side with the anonymous commenter as well.

Kevin was a really hard worker and spent many hours in his backyard in a batting cage that his dad had built for his older brother (and him).

Loved the article

Mr. Observant
Guest
Mr. Observant

Exercising my franchise makes my palms sweaty. On an unrelated note, judging by the young Youk’s chinless visage it’s abundantly clear why he’s had a fox attached to his mug re: his douchey facial hair…

Dara
Guest
Dara

camisadelgolf and I were about 2 degrees of LiveJournal separation apart when I was in HS. I can’t tell if his refusal to change his tubes-handle since then is a sign of surpassing trustworthiness or surpassing lack of introspection.

I also hereby promise to put my nerd-fostered ex post facto resentment of Youk aside if directed to do so by the will of the people.

camisadelgolf
Guest
camisadelgolf

Dara, it’s surprising that you’re bringing up my personal LiveJournal account. It’s also ironic because I mentioned getting involved with baseball leagues that feature old friends of Kevin’s. Anyway, If you really wanted to make it personal, why didn’t you go into detail about getting dumped by the lowly David Tarai back when you were freshmen? Or how about the time you embarrassed Kevin Youkilis’ community and high school by finishing College Jeopardy with ZERO DOLLARS. Not regular Jeopardy. College Jeopardy. Wow.
http://www.j-archive.com/showgame.php?game_id=2455

Anyway, my question to the public is this: Regarding details about Kevin Youkilis’ youth, whom should you trust?

A.) A bitter, young woman who professionally writes about her disdain for classism and follows it up with an email about her disdain for Youkilis due to reasons related to his class,

or

B.) A dude nearing 30, playing RBI Baseball on a ROM emulator, and knew Kevin Youkilis personally.

Dara, you’re a Yankees fan who had a miserable high school experience due to all the preppy jocks. I get it. It sucks. But you know what? It wasn’t a cakewalk for Youk either. Say what you want about him, but you didn’t see what I saw. A saw a young man–nay, a boy–who suffered through countless hours of being hazed by asthmatics in wheelchairs. He was constantly pressured by the lacrosse jocks to do illegal drugs and get mixed in with the wrong crowd. We’re talking about a guy who, in gym class, thought he killed someone after drilling her with a dodgeball. He sobbed for weeks. (She’s dead now, but it was unrelated to the dodgeball incident.)

One time, he started choking during lunch. Instead of helping him, everyone lined up to put more things in his mouth. As he turned blue, he was suspended for causing a distraction. He contemplated quitting school, but he knew what kind of opportunity he’d be missing if he didn’t go on to play at the illustrious University of Cincinnati. Realizing this, he performed mouth-to-mouth on himself, saving his life and many others’.

As far as I’m concerned, not only is Kevin Youkilis the Greek God of Walks, he is the Greek God of Life, Gods, Baseball, Walks, and Cheese Coneys. I suggest you set aside your biases and differences so you can enjoy Kevin Youkilis for what he really is: a fairly nice guy who really likes pizza.

Peter R
Guest
Peter R

I love the internet.

nubillybaroo
Guest
nubillybaroo

It is readily apparent to me that Young Kevin Youkilis was perfect, just perfect in everyway.

Dara
Guest
Dara

Since I have apparently personally upset and harmed individuals by divulging private information, which was by no means my intention, I’d like to request my previous comment be deleted from this thread. Since my remarks have been interpreted as a sincere attack on the actual presence of the actual Kevin Youkilis, which was also never my intention, I would request the same for the original email of mine quoted in the post, but I suspect that wouldn’t be feasible because of caching. I hope everyone who actually personally knows or knew Mr. Youkilis or is otherwise personally invested in this issue accepts my apology.

camisadelgolf
Guest
camisadelgolf

I was just kidding. Chill out! haha

Dara
Guest
Dara

Dude, I gotta say, when you’re at the point of full-name-of-someone’s-freshman-year-of-high-school-boyfriend, it’s reasonable to infer that feelings have been hurt.

camisadelgolf
Guest
camisadelgolf

I understand. I feel great, so I’m going to grab a pizza and a few beers to celebrate. Good luck with everything.

wpDiscuz