Things Kyle Blanks Is Standing in Front Of

One will often hear comments about the degree to which a camera can distort the objects of its gaze — this is what people mean, for example, when they say the camera “adds 10 pounds.”

In no case is this more clear than in the case of the above screenshot — taken from last night’s contest between San Diego and San Francisco. In said image, Padre outfielder/first baseman Kyle Blanks, facing Giant right-hander Matt Cain, looks, for all intents and purposes, like a normal-sized person.

In fact, Blanks is not a normal-sized person. That he appears to be one is clearly a trick of perspective.

To get a sense of what I mean, consider all the things that are directly behind, but totally obscured, by Blanks:

• All known works by Italian painter Tintoretto.
• Like seven or eight Arbyses, probably.
• The Golden Gate Bridge.
• A sexy cheerleading squad.
• Dayn Perry’s ego.

While not technically a mathematical proof, this is the sort of thing after which one generally says something like “Q.E.D.” Which, consider that my final thought on the matter.




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


14 Responses to “Things Kyle Blanks Is Standing in Front Of”

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  1. scout1222 says:

    Blanks is a tall glass of water, that’s for sure.

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  2. Navin says:

    I can’t wait for Things Bartolo Colon is Standing in Front Of.

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  3. hidengoseke says:

    Is Arbyses the plural of Arby’s? I thought it was, perhaps, an airplane. Something like “seven or eight Airbuses, probably.”

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  4. Mac says:

    After Carson’s recent blitzkrieg of gif posts, it felt weird viewing this. I kept waiting for the people in the picture to move, BUT THEY NEVER DID.

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