Three Harts (Beat as One)

Milwaukee’s Corey Hart, recuperating from a January knee surgery, has yet to play a game this year. With fewer opportunities to appreciate Hart’s craggy visage, renewed potential exists for confusion with other individuals of the same name. Since a search of the Internet failed to produce a satisfactory guide, I have produced one myself.

Corey Hart Corey Hart “Cory Heart”
Full Name Johnny Corey Hart Corey Mitchell Hart Courtney Simpson
Occupation Baseball player Musician Actor
Appearance corey_hart_baseball corey_hart_singer cory_heart
Height & Weight 6’6″/234 5’10″/? 5’2″/99
Birthdate March 24, 1982 May 31, 1962 May 9, 1985
Birthplace Bowling Green, Kentucky Montreal, Quebec Mesa, Arizona
Position Right field, first base Vocals, keyboards, piano, guitar, drums Various
Teams Brewers Aquarius, Capitol Max Hardcore, Wicked Pictures
Debuted 2004 1983 2005
Retired - “Semi-retired” 2006
Appearances 3802 9 (albums) 199
Hits 950 “Sunglasses at Night,” “Never Surrender” Trophy Whores, Legal & Hot, Double Gulp
Awards & Nominations 2x All-Star; 25th in MVP voting, National League, 2010 2x Juno winner; nominated for Grammy, Best New Artist, 1984 Nominated for AVN Award, Best All-Girl Sex Scene, 2006
Religion Converted to Christianity in 2011 “Is the opiate of masses” (“Political Cry”) Raised a devout Mormon
Eyewear Began wearing prescription goggles in 2010 Noted for nocturnal use of tinted lenses Donned temporarily for Bookworm B*tches
Strengths Home run power; deceptive speed Passionate vocals; “cool, athletic” looks Flexibility, congeniality
Weaknesses Penchant for strikeouts; below-average defense Lack of lyrical depth Aversion to “watersports”
Controversy Allowed infant daughter to be sprayed with beer Publicly supported gay rights with single “Truth Will Set U Free” Appeared on film wearing Arizona State cheerleader uniform; university threatened legal action
Trivia Walkup song is ‘Until the Whole World Hears’ by Casting Crowns Briefly considered for the role of Marty McFly in Back to the Future Left home after a stack of pornographic pictures of her was left on her parents’ doorstep



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10 Responses to “Three Harts (Beat as One)”

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  1. Resolution says:

    hooray!

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  2. JimmyD says:

    I suppose the fact that Ms. Heart is a Mormon contributed to her nomination for best all-girl sex scene.

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  3. The Stranger says:

    How can we get the baseball-playing Corey Hart to change his walkup song to “Sunglasses at Night?” How is that not already his walkup song? There has to be a way to make this a thing, unless the man hates the laughter of children (or childish adults, which is similar). Maybe he would do it if we did a Kickstarter and gave the money to charity?

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  4. Pableaux Gunmoney says:

    A female thespians is referred to as an “actress”
    ex- Cory Heart is not an actress, she’s a porn star.

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  5. jcxy says:

    love the infographic

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  6. Brian S says:

    After reading her Wikipedia page, I am amazed at this article’s accuracy and attention to detail. Well done.

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  7. AC of DC says:

    I notice that Hart of Milwaukee is listed as having “converted to Christianity in 2011.” Is it safe to assume that in so doing he turned away from his prior devotion to Odin and family, since Mr. Hart is pretty clearly some sort of Scandinavian raider, frozen for centuries (during which time he missed out on the spread of monotheism) and only of late unleashed upon the ballfields of these lands beyond the sea?

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  8. reillocity says:

    199 appearances over 2 years seems like a really hard workload for Miss Heart to endure at 20 to 21 years of age. I’m not at all shocked that her professional career ended so soon. Did she perhaps sustain a torn labium?

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