Tom Seaver Has No Friends has a quote from Tom Seaver about Johan Santana’s no-hitter:

I’ve never met Johan personally, but, what I’ve heard about him is that he has a big heart and is a huge competitor. I didn’t watch the game last night. I found out when I picked up the morning paper.

Two things came to mind after reading this:

(1) If Tom Seaver is right, Johan Santana should see a cardiologist, because I think having a big heart is probably not a good thing, medically speaking, and he probably needs to take some medication or have some sort of surgical procedure to correct it.

(2) Really, Tom? You didn’t find out about the no-hitter until the next morning?

The game ended at 9:45 Eastern Time. I believe Seaver lives in California, so that would be 6:45– but even if we assume 9:45, that’s not that late. Even if I thought my friend Tom Seaver might be asleep at 9:45, I’d probably give him a ring at some point during the game– or at least at the end of the game– to let him know that something was going on, and, at the very least, maybe some reporters might be calling him for a quote. I understand Seaver is no youngster, and maybe he isn’t big on the Internet, or television, or cellular phones, but surely he must have some way to be reached on his vineyard, and surely you would think someone would give him a heads-up about this big news in Mets-world. I got two e-mails from friends and a call from my mother about the no-hitter, and I am not anyone. So you would think Tom Seaver would have someone in his life who would think, hey, I should tell Tom about this, or, ooh, I wonder what Tom thinks about this, or, oh goodness, I hope Tom is watching this. Seaver spent a bunch of time as a broadcaster for the Mets. It’s not like he retired and then wandered over to a monastery in Tibet and cut himself off from civilization. I assume his vineyard is somewhere with electricity and phone wires. It seems to me that if Tom Seaver really has no one in his life who would think to alert him about this no-hitter, he may need to seriously rethink the kinds of personal relationships he has and whether there may be room to let some people into his circle. And even the next morning– he found out from the newspaper? So even the next day, no one had called him, e-mailed him, texted him, nothing? Bizarre.

Reading the comments on, there’s another interesting piece to this story. Apparently Seaver and Santana did an interview special together where they talked about pitching and Seaver suggested to Johan that he might be the first Met to throw a no-hitter. So when Seaver says he has never met Johan… does he just not remember? Was the interview put together through the magic of green screen technology? I’m sure Tom Seaver meets a lot of people– or at least I would have thought so, except that he apparently doesn’t know anyone who watches Mets games– but to not remember meeting Johan Santana seems a little alarming. And, hey, even if he wasn’t sure they’d met, to be so sure as to say it in his released statement seems a little, I don’t know, strange. He’s never met him, and yet he has this personal medical information about the size of Santana’s heart….

Okay, maybe not.

UPDATED TO ADD: Or, of course, there’s Google. Search for “Tom Seaver Johan” in Google Images and you get the picture I’ve put at the top of the post, of the two of them (and Ron Darling) sitting on a couch together. So, yeah, Tom Seaver needs to see a neurologist. Hey, I’ve used the words neurologist and cardiologist in a post about Johan Santana’s no-hitter. Anyone else on the Internet doing that? I don’t think so.

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

11 Responses to “Tom Seaver Has No Friends”

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  1. dp says:

    Tom Seaver = Lear?

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  2. Peter M says:

    Why all the sarcasm about Tom Seaver? Because he has moved on to another phase of his life and doesn’t follow games the same day they are played? Or that he has friends outside of baseball who maybe couldn’t care less about a Mets no-hitter? As you can tell, I don’t take kindly to having my boyhood idol mocked.

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    • ccoop says:

      yeah, but that’s like asking bill clinton who he’s voting for and his answer being “who’s running”?

      it just runs counter to expectations. you expect someone who was involved in a career for a long time to have contact with people–through text/email–who would want his immediate reaction to this sort of event.

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  3. Doug says:

    Seaver isn’t the type of guy to be too happy for someone accomplishing something that he didn’t (at least with the Mets anyhow).

    Especially since he had to hear the name Jimmy Qualls for the last 43 years.

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  4. Brian says:

    T-1000 disguised as Seaver sent back by Phillies phans to assassinate Johan! Luckily it only managed to give him a shoulder injury before David Wright blasted it into a vat of molten steel.

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  5. nu billy baroooo?! says:

    “he’s a liar”, Henry Rollins

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  6. gonfalon says:

    I was gonna comment on how tan Darling is in that picture, but then I learned he was of Hawaiian descent. (The more you know!)

    Regarding Seaver’s tepid response, is it possible that the quote wasn’t actually from Seaver?

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  7. Patrick says:

    Sounds like Bitter Tom…I really found it odd?

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  8. Patrick says:

    I also agree with the statement above..maybe he really doesn’t care about it?
    Peter is right, maybe there are bigger fish to fry in his life then some guys pitching 20 some years after he retitred? I’m sure he doens’t dress up in old uniforms and yell at his television about horrible play!

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    • shamus mcfitzy says:

      There’s no way that it’s just simply about him not caring or having some friends that don’t care because clearly there should be at least one person in his life who would assume that the greatest pitcher in Mets history would want to know about such an event. Unless, maybe he doesn’t even want to know and, as I’ve assumed for a while, he holds a grudge against the Mets for firing him as a broadcaster. Maybe all of his friends are aware of this and would know he wouldn’t even want to hear about the Mets? That’s my assumption because there’s just no way that apathy should have allowed him to avoid hearing the news.

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  9. LWeb23 says:

    He actually does have friends. Anyone ever hear of Matthew Berry? As revealed on Fantasy Focus yesterday, Seaver played on the same high school baseball team as Berry’s father. Seaver, who apparently wasn’t good enough to pitch in high school, played RF.

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