Tough Loss for Orioles

If you’re partial to connoisseur’s baseball — the kind of ball-match in which runs are earned by grit, moxie and a toiler’s ethic — then yesterday’s Orioles contest should be to your liking:

Much as one does not merely walk into Mordor, a major-league team does not merely stride onto a diamond housing the ball-ists of Manatee Community College and expect to escape without a brawler’s bruises. If it consoles, then know that the vanquished Orioles share the yoke of the defeated with the mighty likes of Indian River State College and Polk State College and the University of Tampa junior-varsity squad and Florida State College-Jacksonville.

Indeed, not all who have dared square off against Manatee Community College have been as fortunate as Palm Beach State College and Chipola College and Seminole State College and Broward College (twice) and Florida State College-Jacksonville (thrice) and Polk State College and, well, quite a number of others, actually.

But no, not every team can be so kissed by the fates — so groped by the fates like a coquette on a Tokyo subway — as to escape the presence of Manatee Community College without a loss. Although that University of Tampa junior-varsity squad tied them at one point, it seems …

Anyhow, one might notice the gallery of tossers that the Orioles faced upon the yesterday …

Doubtless, the reader will be reminded of that solemn piece of base-and-ball doggerel, penned by Grantland Rice when he worked the MCC beat like a flatfoot on the Bowery …

Wada, Ayala, Phillips, and Esquivel …
Prithee, civil sir, for a gentler kind of hell?
Under sun, under thunderheads or under moon,
Your scrap nine they’ll surely dragoon!

So chins up, Orioles of Baltimore: for countless others have met such a fate!

But not Hillsborough Community College, it turns out.




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


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Ana
Guest
Ana
4 years 3 months ago

Hilarious

Stephen
Guest
Stephen
4 years 3 months ago

Maybe this is a turning point for the oriloles. They really have nowhere else to go but up.

MikeS
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MikeS
4 years 3 months ago

I prefer to think of it as more of a harbinger of things to come.

jsalin
Member
jsalin
4 years 3 months ago

“so groped by the fates like a coquette on a Tokyo subway”

Brilliant.

Kyle
Member
4 years 3 months ago

“…like a coquette on a Tokyo subway”

God damn that is some serious prose, sir.

CurtisStarkeyFan4Life
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CurtisStarkeyFan4Life
4 years 3 months ago

you’re a huge a-hole, sometimes.

love you,

love mom

David
Guest
David
4 years 3 months ago

Good lord. BAL even had the regular lineup go twice through against the mighty Manatees, yet could only manage a JJ Hardy solo HR. That’s truly pathetic

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
4 years 3 months ago

Fun fact: in 2009 this same college defeated the Pittsburgh Pirates 6-4. Andrew McCutchen and Neil Walker were in that game for the losing team.

lpshred
Member
lpshred
4 years 3 months ago

Probably why they don’t play them anymore.

Jeffrey Paternostro
Member
Jeffrey Paternostro
4 years 3 months ago

At least they didn’t lose to the Greendale Human Beings?

MPhelan
Guest
MPhelan
4 years 3 months ago

The Orioles are going to be bad, but to be fair, they provided the pitchers for both teams in the exhibition game. Not that Wada, Ayala, etc. are any great shakes (being Orioles and all), but they are MLB pitchers, not junior college guys.

Dave Barker
Guest
4 years 3 months ago

That is an important point. However, as I’m sure you’d agree, like spanish moss to a southern live oak, we cling to and take nourishment from Mr. Perry, the greater being.

bstar
Member
bstar
4 years 3 months ago

This article is a master picking up the brush and beginning his masterpiece for the first time. Unrelentingly humorous.

swieker
Member
Member
swieker
4 years 3 months ago
adohaj
Guest
adohaj
4 years 3 months ago

The pitchers for the Manatees were actually Baltimore pitchers

http://www.bradenton.com/2012/04/04/3980023/state-college-of-florida-manatees.html#storylink=cpy

one of the manatees players says

“I have a lot of work before I get to that level,” said Rocklein, who singled during the fourth-inning scoring. “I mean, they do it for a living every day … the pitching is a lot better … better location, and their off speed, they actually throw their off speed for strikes. And they throw their off speed harder, too. I think I saw one at 89 miles per hour. That’s the fastballs we see.”

Phrozen
Guest
Phrozen
4 years 3 months ago

And Jamie Moyer sheds a tear.

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