Trading Up

This game. This…baseball, like life itself, can be a harsh mistress. Whether you’re playing and making outs in seven out of ten at bats, or watching your Twins devolve into the second worst team in the American League (hey, thanks for that, Astros), or you’re a vendor who just needs to find a place to poop before you sell your snowcones (again, thanks for that, Astros). Failure is so endemic to baseball that it’s refreshing to see anyone who can take whimsical, unadulterated joy from such cruelty.

That is why, as I slide headfirst into middle age, I’m leavinging my moribund, dumpy Minnesota Twins and getting a younger, hotter baseball team that wants an older fan because it has daddy issues. Someone who can keep up with me and maybe even challenge me a little in the energy department and with their joie de vivre. Someone who is still young and naive, and hasn’t yet learned not to fall for my bullshit. Somebody like the University of Cincinnati Bearcats. Seriously, how can you not love these guys?


There are more. Many, many more. Please, click the link above to see the full spectrum, as brought to you by @jaybusbee at Yahoo! Sports. They’re fantastic.

Like the Twins, the Bearcats aren’t anywhere close to the best team in their league. But at least they’re having fun doing it. Unlike those joyless fucks in Minnesota. I’m sure I’ll still get to see Joe Mauer on the weekends.

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Mike Bates used to have a stupid pseudonym. Now he doesn't because people want to pay him to write about baseball on the Internet and he's really a sell out that way. He is also a Designated Columnist at SBNation, co-founder of The Platoon Advantage, and is an American Carpetbagger on Getting Blanked, the finest in Canadian baseball-type sites. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter here:

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Ruki Motomiya
Ruki Motomiya
3 years 3 months ago

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