Transcript of Karl Ravech’s Baseball Tonight Monologue: 2-25

baseballtonight

Hello, everyone. Hello. Welcome. Welcome.

Welcome to Baseball Tonight.

Well, it’s almost upon us everybody. Baseball is almost here, in fact, the first Spring Training games began today.

[Applause Break]

Yes. Baseball is here and everyone is getting back in shape. Pitchers are loosening their arms, batters are getting their timing down. I even saw Ron Gardenhire trying out some new curse words to yell at umpires.

[Break for Laughter]

Lotta news coming out of Spring Training. It was reported that Angels outfielder Josh Hamilton has a strained calf and won’t see game action for two weeks. Yeah, no game action for two weeks. Meanwhile, Eric Sogard continues to not see any action since high school.

[Break for Laughter]

Did you hear this? Mets pitcher Jonathon Niese is getting an MRI done on his throwing shoulder, and might miss the beginning of the season. Yeah. Niese said he was disappointed with his diagnosis, but excited that he gets a chance to avoid watching the Mets.

[Break for Laughter]

We joke. We joke about the Mets, but hey, they made some big additions this offseason. The biggest, of course, being Bartolo Colon!

[*rimshot*]

[Applause Break]

Bartolo Colon left the Oakland A’s for the Mets, of course. When asked what enticed him about New York, he said “It smells a little less like sewage than where I used to play.”

[Applause Break]

I don’t know if you heard this, but Budweiser is petitioning to make Opening Day a national holiday. That sounds cool, right? Opening Day a national holiday. Of course, since Budweiser is sponsoring it, the day after Opening Day will be National Diarrhea Day.

[Applause Break]

We’ve got a great show for you tonight. Manager of the 2013 National League Champion St. Louis Cardinals — Mike Matheny is here!

[Applause Break]

Former pitcher turned author, he’s got a new book coming out — Dirk Hayhurst will join us!

[Applause Break]

And musical guest — Bronson Arroyo’s Shitty Band!

Should be a good one. Stick around everyone!

[Applause Break]

[Band Plays Out to Commercial]




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David G. Temple is the Managing Editor of TechGraphs and a contributor to FanGraphs, NotGraphs and The Hardball Times. He hosts the award-eligible podcast Stealing Home. Dayn Perry once called him a "Bible Made of Lasers." Follow him on Twitter @davidgtemple.


7 Responses to “Transcript of Karl Ravech’s Baseball Tonight Monologue: 2-25”

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  1. Thanks for wasting 2 minutes of my life that I will never get back.

    -10 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Guy Smiley says:

    What an original comment casknowsroto.

    I enjoyed it….keep up the good work DGT!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. John Kruk says:

    HEEYY-OOOHH!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Gerry says:

    Very nice work! Actually laughed a few times

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. Jay29 says:

    Dammit, Temple, do more Stealing Home! I don’t pay you to write NotGraphs articles! (OK I don’t pay you at all… that I know of.)

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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