Ty Cobb School of Baseball Now Accepting Applications



Any young lads enamored by the game of base and ball would serve themselves well to learn the game the way The Great Cobb plays it, and for a small fee they can. Does your young one possess an effeminate gait while playing stick ball in the street? Does your son patrol the outfield like a Catholic? Is he about to start working the mines without ever having heard the satisfying sound made when bat meets skull?

Enroll him now in the Ty Cobb School of Baseball. He will learn all the necessary skills:

  • Playing while drunk
  • Playing with a hangover
  • Headbutting umpires
  • Proper mother-related insults to hurl at pitchers
  • How to hide small weapons in a uniform
  • Hitting skills (time permitting)

With a small investment in time and monies, the Ty Cobb School of Baseball can help your son play the game the way it was meant to be played — full of vitriol, booze, and hatred for all other competitors.

Send $25 and a full family history to:
Ty Cobb School of Baseball
P.O. Box 2
Atlanta, GA

(picture via the panic dream known as Reddit.)

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David G. Temple is the Managing Editor of TechGraphs and a contributor to FanGraphs, NotGraphs and The Hardball Times. He hosts the award-eligible podcast Stealing Home. Dayn Perry once called him a "Bible Made of Lasers." Follow him on Twitter @davidgtemple.

18 Responses to “Ty Cobb School of Baseball Now Accepting Applications”

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  1. Triple R says:

    Will we also learn how to hate black people?

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    • David says:

      Yes. Also cripples and pretty much all people universally.

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      • nets says:

        but especially black people, although it did not require great skillfulness at the time. a bigot nowadays has much more to offer, to teach. what is ironic about this ironic post is that appealing to a familiar century old name to deride, we feel more comfortable with the current of racism in u.s. now.

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      • brazen reader says:

        He advocated also for segregating pink tea and mollycoddles.

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  2. Hunter says:

    I’m waiting for the Ty Cobb School of Business. How to turn a good salary into a fortune large enough to last me the rest of my life, and fund charitable hospitals and organizations almost a hundred years after my death.

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    • Antonio Bananas says:

      Investments, much like baseball,are much easier when you’re a wealthy white man in the early 20th century.

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      • Hunter says:

        I dunno. To say it was “easier” is undeniably true but at the same time, how many other stars of his era amassed a fortune? It may have been easier, but it certainly wasn’t easy.

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        • A eskpert says:

          It was easy, most players didn’t earn what Cobb earned, ie they had very little savings. Add to that the fact that they were inherently athletes rather than profiteers: the cynical among us would nowadays say all MLB players are both.

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    • Benzedrine says:

      Good point that many forget. It is a bit unfair that Cobb was seen as the predominant racist in baseball. Different social norms allowed that, and his outspoken nature made it worse. Any baseball player today doing something racist will probably get released. Well Delmon got away, but you get my drift.

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      • gouis says:

        Well he was still a racist and a horrible person on an individual level. That doesn’t negate charitable contributions. He can be both.

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        • Rogers Hornsby says:

          That piece of shit had no idea how to properly defame, deride, and derogate. I was far more offensive in my utterances and, more generally, personality, than Cobb ever was. I was also even better at hitting line drives than that Son of a bitch.

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          • Cap Anson says:

            You swarthy son of a Pork and Cheese whore. You’re not fit to polish my codpiece. And your father was a Bulgarian stevedore that was birthed by a one-eyed Jewess. Scum. You’re all scum. I never took the filed with any mulattos!

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  3. TheGrandslamwich says:

    Will we learn how to jump into the stands to beat up heckling fans? Rumor was he once defeated a heckler who had no arms in such a glorious fashion but I’m not sure if I believe it.

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  4. Hey! Made a movie about yonder home-ward slide.


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