UETAMEJ!

I know what you’re thinking: “What is UETAMEJ, and what can it do for me?” Like the best acronyms, UETAMEJ is pronounceable and fits conveniently on the full complement of CafePress swag. As you’ve probably already guessed, it stands for, “Using Ellipses Toward A More Evil Journalism.” I hardly need to say this, but the practice of UETAMEJ, which is as ancient as it is sacred, entails the use of the ellipsis in tandem with words and phrases ripped from context and stripped of intended meaning.

This week’s victim is the likable and excellent Ray Ratto, who recently penned a likable and excellent column on last night’s absurd happenings in Atlanta. But what’s he really saying?

Release the UETAMEJ!

Jerry Meals[,] . . . acknowledge that this is . . . the crime of the century. Jerry Meals screwed this one up, spectacularly so, . . . because he is inherently evil. God in heaven, will you please . . . murder . . . Jerry Meals[?] Because it is my firm belief that . . . baseball would benefit from . . . the . . . murder . . . of . . . Jerry Meals. Reasonable people can . . . shut up.

I . . . will . . . be . . . in the only bar in Atlanta that stays open beyond 3 a.m. . . . with . . . a jackhammer[,] . . . Tim Donaghy[,] . . . some . . . hallucinogens[,] . . . and . . . a tomato with eyes.

Behold the evil journalism!




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


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Darien
Member
5 years 1 month ago

Check-plus on “reasonable people can… shut up.”

MikeS
Guest
MikeS
5 years 1 month ago

Sound advice for just about any situation.

Roger
Guest
Roger
5 years 1 month ago

What’s even better is that if you take the ellipses as pauses, the majority of them make sense and even add character to the piece.

Yirmiyahu
Member
Yirmiyahu
5 years 1 month ago

UETAMEJ is also a useful skill for unscrupulous lawyers citing cases.

John R.
Guest
John R.
5 years 1 month ago

The original article contains the words “severed heads on pikes.” How the heck did that not make it into the UETAMEJ?

Dayn Perry
Guest
Dayn Perry
5 years 1 month ago

You make a fair point. I mulled over “severed heads on pikes” but ultimately decided to omit. It’s possible that this was a grave mistake.

Jason
Guest
5 years 1 month ago

Way to hijack another site’s logo without due credit.

Dayn Perry
Guest
Dayn Perry
5 years 1 month ago

Calm down. It was on Flickr. What site is it from?

Chris
Guest
Chris
5 years 1 month ago

The site that is linked to in his name has a similar, yet different, LED Evil sign

Enkidu
Guest
Enkidu
5 years 1 month ago

I hope to see more of this in the future.

Deezer
Guest
Deezer
5 years 1 month ago

…awesome.

Bradley Woodrum
Member
Member
5 years 1 month ago

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’m totally stealing this.

glassSheets
Guest
glassSheets
5 years 30 days ago

This is what I gathered from reading the article:

“Clint Hurdle … blew …Tim Donaghy … and…the dean of students… like a jackhammer.

Jerry Meals screwed … a hot date … in a bad position, because his …other hand … developed differently, or because I thought the best angle would be where I was and I was wrong.”

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