Using FOX’s Thermal Camera to Nefarious Ends

Those who watched Game One of the World Series will be aware — and those who didn’t watch will learn right now — that FOX experimented with a thermal-imaging camera during their telecast Wednesday night. The cameras, supplied by Australian Warren Brennan, are designed to detect heat — including the friction-type of heat generated by a ball hitting a bat, for example.

Using our vast resources, NotGraphs has purchased its own thermal-imaging camera and used it towards, if not nefarious, then at least generally irreverent, ends.

For example, here we find the image of Mike Napoli included in Robert J. Baumann’s debut post at NotGraphs:

Using thermal-imaging technology, however, we are able to locate the various “hot spots” in the image.

While the heat emanating from head of the swimmer to the left — and from Napoli’s (ahem) lower body — is self-explanatory, the reader might be confused about the warm area below Napoli’s chin and neck. Amazingly, this is due to the friction caused by the considerable rate at which Napoli’s chest hair grows.

Moving on, we find an image of Derek Jeter snapped by our thermal-imaging camera. The heat we see here is produced by Jeter’s self-confidence — which, when the Captain is in the right frame of mind, is capable of keeping a ranch-style home warm all winter long.

Finally, here’s an image of FanGraphs CEO and Dark Overlord David Appelman. It’s totally dark, owing to the fact that Appelman is less man than capital-I Idea.




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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.


2 Responses to “Using FOX’s Thermal Camera to Nefarious Ends”

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  1. Person says:

    That was a thermal camera? I just thought they showed an image in the negative for some reason.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • Chris says:

      Yea, it was definitely infrared. I thought it was totally silly and pointless… until it absolutely showed that the Beltre foul ball really did hit him in the toe. Like the 1 in 10000 play in baseball where an fucking infrared is useful.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

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