Variations on the Same Dumb Joke Based On My Current Geographic Location That I Keep Making to Torture My Family

Heaven

I have traveled to Iowa City this weekend to check out what will soon be my new home town. I have brought with me my wife and seven-year old son. As a dad, I have a limited repertoire of jokes. Here is what my family has had to endure:

Is this Heaven? No, we’re still in Wisconsin.

Is this Heaven? No, it’s Dubuque, “one of the few large cities in Iowa with hills.”

Is this Heaven? No, Heaven doesn’t have road construction.

Is this Heaven? I imagine Heaven would be more heavily populated.

Is this Heaven? Why would Heaven need this much corn?

Is this Heaven? Given that it’s currently raining water, and not bourbon, I would say no.

Is this Heaven? No, it’s a Buffalo Wild Wings.

Is this Heaven? No, it’s a 7:00 showing of Amazing Spider-Man 2.

Is this Heaven? No, it’s a Sheraton.

Is this Heaven? We are sorry. MLB.TV has determined that you are located inside one of the applicable Club’s home television territories and are therefore blacked out of the Heaven you have selected. Live audio of this Heaven is available as part of your MLB.TV subscription.

This has been “Mike makes you as sick of him as his family is.”




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Mike Bates used to have a stupid pseudonym. Now he doesn't because people want to pay him to write about baseball on the Internet and he's really a sell out that way. He is also a Designated Columnist at SBNation, co-founder of The Platoon Advantage, and is an American Carpetbagger on Getting Blanked, the finest in Canadian baseball-type sites. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter here: http://www.twitter.com/commnman


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Semi Pro
Guest
Semi Pro

I live in Iowa City! It’s pretty close to Heaven. More vomit than I expect Heaven would have.

MikeS
Guest
MikeS

As long as it amuses yourself, that’s all that matters.

Rob
Guest
Rob

Born and raised in Iowa City (but now living in western dairyland). MLB really hates baseball fans in Iowa. TV blackouts for 6 teams!!! Maybe that’s why I became a Red Sox fan.

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus

Don’t let your wife watch Terms of Endearment.

Stinky Pete
Member
Stinky Pete

I feel like this was written for me. Were you thinking of me when you wrote this, Mike?

Mac
Guest
Mac

Is This Heaven? No, it’s just a baseball blog comments section.

Stinky Pete
Member
Stinky Pete

“Whatever gave you the idea this is Heaven? This is the other place!”

http://twilightzonevortex.blogspot.com/2012/04/nice-place-to-visit.html

novaether
Member
novaether
Jaack
Guest
Jaack

These were some pretty *corny* jokes.

Ryan
Guest
Ryan

Iowa City is a neat little town, especially in the summer when the undergrads go home. As an above commenter noted, though, it sucks for baseball, and the local broadcasts show White Sox games, which means enduring the Hawk any time you want to catch a game.

Only glove, no love
Member
Only glove, no love
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