Video: All Commissioners of Baseball Are Sexy
Those who know know this: Every one of baseball’s nine commissioners was elevated to the office not because of his executive acumen or fealty to ownership. Rather, every one of baseball’s nine commissioners was elevated to the office because of his libidinous pizzazz. To say that each of baseball’s commissioners is sexy is to bury them in a shallow grave of understatement. They are not sexy; they are coitus made man …
Now go forth and begrime all that you survey.
Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.
If it wasn’t for the photoshopped cigarette at the 0:15 mark of Bud “Smokin” Selig, the latently sexual emotion wouldn’t be fully encapsulated.
Kip Winger, tenth Commissioner of Major League Baseball. Too-Distinct-To-Be-A-Rapist’s-Van, the eleventh.
I will go and have sex with an executive today!
A thorough reading of ‘Business and Fucking: Secrets to Crushing the Competition in the Boardroom and Bedroom’ has left me well-prepared for this endeavor.
This is phenomenal. Quality on the level the most inspired of ‘men Surrounded by things.’
This is right up there with the Danny Heep Nachos post.
Dear Mr. Perry,
As a producer of the Oscars, I would like to an extend an offer to you. Will you do us the honor of creating the montage of all the dead homos of the film industry for this year’s program? The way you meld music and images to create a sonic Rorschach that is usually only achieved by dropping acid and sucking down whippits makes precum flow from my wiener as if it were a firehose. You owe it to the Nation to share your gift of production just like you share the herpes virus.
Thanks for considering,
Signed Tom Cruise
Surprisingly, the 1982 Dodge custom van shown at the 2:05 mark ranked as only the 6th best Commissioner of Major League Baseball per a survey of a blue ribbon panel of baseball historians.
1990 Topps #396 ….hairy palms and blindness.