Video: Chris Perez Is Probably a Banker from Boston

As part of our ongoing effort to aggregate all animal- and baseball-related hilarity in one central internet location, NotGraphs presents the abovely embedded video — a video, specifically, in which Cleveland reliever Chris Perez hunts, but fails to kill, a squirrel.

Owing to the lack of urgency in Perez’s gait, one can safely assume that, so far as Perez’s Oregon Trail-related skills are concerned, he skews much more strongly to the Banker from Boston side of things — as opposed to, say, a Farmer from Illinois.

“But he’s not trying to kill the squirrel, you a-hole,” the reader is possibly saying at this moment. “He’s only trying to capture it.”

To which charge I reply: “For one, there’s no Animal Rights Activist from Anna Maria Island in any extant edition of Oregon Trail. And, for two, if what you’re suggesting is true — i.e. that Oregon Trail is not a comprehensive and totally factual guidebook for masculinity in the 21st century — then where is this Indian guide leading me, and why I have just given him my pants?”

Video courtesy Guyism, via Outside the Box Score.




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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Dan
Guest
Dan
4 years 9 months ago

In response to Party-Member\Teammate Pronk’s recent trip to the other worldly disabled list due to snakebite, Mr. Perez is just being a little overly cautious. Many wily cleveland area snakes have begun dressing in squirrel costumes to give the outward appearence of cute and cudly, inspite of thier inner slimeiness. I commend Mr. Perez’s efforts to keep on keepin on, despite the questions of manliness which wany will bestow upon him.

Yirmiyahu
Member
Yirmiyahu
4 years 9 months ago

Your video, Carson. It don’t do nothin’.

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