Do Vin Scully’s Bidding

by Mike Bates - November 3, 2011

  If Vin Scully asked you to do something, would you refuse?  Of course you wouldn’t.  Not unless you were a God-damned Communist.  You would do whatever the golden-voiced Vincent asked of you and you would not ask questions.  It should be apparent by now that Vin Scully is our nation’s greatest treasure, and that to refuse him is to refuse America.  “Why do you hate America?” I would ask if Vin Scully asked you to run out and murder a hobo and you refused.  “Vin Scully has done so much for us, and you won’t do this one little thing for him?”  Then I’d put your name on my list and I’d drop it off at my nearest police precinct as one of literally dozens of Stalinist-sympathizers who are still, even today, in our midst.  I miss Joe McCarthy is what I’m saying.  (Note: Joe McCarthy the Senator, not the Manager.  Double Note: Of the US Senators, not the Washington Senators.  Though the US Senators also play in Washington.  You are smart people; you know who I mean.)

Anywho, Vince tests our devotion today in yet another early commercial for Gillette razors, in which you can see his magical powers of teleportation and miraculous ability to avoid commenting on Wally Moon’s eyebrow:

Truly, the man is a wonder.  And with his powers of apparition, I don’t recommend refusing him.  He may not be strong of body, but his strength of character will straight up murder you in your sleep, Comrade.

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Mike Bates used to have a stupid pseudonym. Now he doesn't because people want to pay him to write about baseball on the Internet and he's really a sell out that way. He is also a Designated Columnist at SBNation, co-founder of The Platoon Advantage, and is an American Carpetbagger on Getting Blanked, the finest in Canadian baseball-type sites. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter here: http://www.twitter.com/commnman

10 Responses to “Do Vin Scully’s Bidding”

1. Yirmiyahu says:

   November 3, 2011 at 10:19 am

   New notgraphs tag: Eyebrow Watch.
   

   

   Reply
2. Bill@TPA says:

   November 3, 2011 at 10:20 am

   I feel like Wally Moon’s eyebrow(s) should be the stuff of legend by now, like Kluszewski’s biceps (but bigger). How has that wonder been allowed to be swept under the rug for so long?
   

   

   Reply
   • The Common Man says:

     November 3, 2011 at 10:22 am

     Our government lies to us. That’s how. They have harnessed the power of Wally Moon’s unibrow for their own nefarious purposes.
     

     

     Reply
     • Yirmiyahu says:

       November 3, 2011 at 11:06 am

       You’re not helping the situation, Man. You really buried the lede here. The eyebrow should’ve had top billing on this post.
       

       

       Reply
       • The Common Man says:

         November 3, 2011 at 11:24 am

         And perhaps, one day, it shall.
         

         

         Reply
3. Carson Cistulli says:

   November 3, 2011 at 10:36 am

   Just dropping in to say that not only WOULD I kill a hobo for Vin Scully, but that I HAVE done. Greatest moment of my life. You’re aces, Vince.
   

   

   Reply
   • glassSheets says:

     November 3, 2011 at 10:55 am

     Did you post the hobo on Hot or Not?
     

     

     Reply
4. Tommy Lasordas Pasta says:

   November 3, 2011 at 1:26 pm

   Must. Buy. Gillette. Razor.

   Anything for you Vinny!
   

   

   Reply
5. bowie says:

   November 3, 2011 at 4:39 pm

   that unibrow will haunt my dreams forever
   

   

   Reply
6. The Common Man says:

   November 3, 2011 at 10:48 am

   Verily, we contain multitudes.
   

   

   Reply