Von Hayes Is Concerned, Unibrowed

Survey this daguerreotype of Von Hayes, and you may be tempted to focus solely on the tenuous unibrow that introduces him to the world as a cocksman of distinction. But peer more deeply, and you’ll see a countenance riddled with mounting horror …

What is it just off-stage that troubles him so? A baleful incubus plucked from a Goya painting? The dark ways of Ron Hassey? The approaching hoof-beats of the decisive yet still fraught Cold War endgame?

Afflict Von Hayes no more, you sickening menace!

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7 Responses to “Von Hayes Is Concerned, Unibrowed”

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  1. Von Hayes is the Buster Keaton of baseball.


    My guesses: Hayes has either just finished watching On Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, or he is watching Joe Charboneau and reflecting on the fleeting nature of success.

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  2. He looks like Tony Danza in ‘Teach’ right after he realizes that he might be a bad teacher, but right before he starts to cry like a small child.

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  3. glassSheets says:

    One batting glove is red, the other is blue. Clearly Von Hayes is concerned with where he put their complements.

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  4. CircleChange11 says:


    Eyebrows, porn stache, zipper front jersey, powder blue and maroon … cue the music.

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  5. bowie says:

    When they make a movie about the glorious life of Von Hayes, Christian Bale should get the lead role.

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