Walk Up, Walk Tall

walkup

Here is a list of the current walk-up songs used by the Tampa Bay Rays, to the best of my knowledge.

Ben Zobrist: “Behind Me” – Julianna Zobrist
Desmond Jennings: “Mercy” – Kanye West
Evan Longoria: “Down and Out” – Tantric
Elliot Johnson: “Foxey Lady” – Jimi Hendrix
Jose Lobaton: “We Are Young” – Fun
Matt Joyce: “I Can’t Stop” – Flux Pavilion
Sam Fuld: “Electric Feel” – MGMT
Sean Rodriguez: “I’m A Believer” – Tedashii
James Loney: “Wild Boy” – Machine Gun Kelly
Yunel Escobar: “El Animal” – Gente De Zona
Kelly Johnson: “Bulls on Parade” – Rage Against The Machine
Jose Molina: “Suave y Lentel” – Jowell and Randy
Luke Scott: “Rock You Like a Hurricane” – Scorpions

These are lame, as I’m sure you will agree. In fact, the vast majority of walk-up songs in Major League Baseball are lame. This is not surprising; baseball players are paid to play baseball, not to cultivate sophisticated aesthetic tastes. They need help, and I propose to give it to them, via a campaign I call “Walk Up, Walk Tall: Purging Illiteracy in Music from Professional Sports (PIMPS).” Because the Rays, with their reputation for studious innovation, seem like especially promising candidates for assistance, I am kicking off this campaign in Tampa.

Now, one of the basic tenets of my philosophy is that in the interest of solidarity, major league lineups should share a musical theme. For the Rays, the theme I suggest is “Rays.” Where I need your help, readers, is in pairing each hitter of Tampa Bay with the most appropriate song by a Ray. The sampling of tunes below should get you off to a running start.

“Stranger in Paradise” (Ray Conniff)

“Texas Flood” (Stevie Ray Vaughan)

“Mess Around” (Ray Charles)

“Still in the Groove” (Ray Parker Jr.)

“Ain’t Your Dog No More” (Billy Ray Cyrus)

“Crazy Arms” (Ray Price)

“Falls Apart” (Sugar Ray)

“Too Drunk to Fish” (Ray Stevens)

“Beg, Steal, or Borrow” (Ray LaMontagne)

“Sexy Can I” (Ray J)

“To the Metal!” (Gamma Ray)




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8 Responses to “Walk Up, Walk Tall”

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  1. Dan Rozenson says:

    Ray J. Now that’s a name I haven’t heard since he single-handedly made Kim Kardashian part of our lives. Irreversably. :(

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  2. FamousAmazingGuy says:

    Word on the street here in Toronto is that R.A Dickey will be warming up to John Cage’s “4’33″. If the Rays were to adopt that anthem, considering their home attendance one could perhaps hear someone from the other side of the diamond sneeze.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nk50eES-0w

    Now thats entertainment!

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    • Bluebird in Boulder says:

      I believe that John Cage is an allowable choice for the Blue Jays, since a blue jay could, conceivably, be placed in a cage. This reply seems to be in the spirit of the original posting.

      I was, however, disappointed that Joe Satriani’s “Day at the Beach (New Rays from an Ancient Sun)” did not make the walk up grade – despite the author of the song not being a Ray.

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  3. olethros says:

    Any idea that involves causing people to listen to the songs of Billy Ray Cyrus is terrible and should be abandoned immediately.

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  4. Dave Barker says:

    On May 21st of last year, I saw a flip-flopped Sam Fuld enter The Burg Bar and Grill on Central Avenue in St. Pete just before game time. Genuinely pleased, I extended my hand and said, “Hey, Sam Fuld! Let me shake your hand!” Because I am an idiot, I took Mr. Fuld’s rehabbing hand/wrist combination and shook it quite vigorously. Continuing to be an idiot, I told Mr. Fuld he was doing a great job, despite the fact he hadn’t played a single game all season. Because I am also somewhat tall, Mr. Fuld pommel-horsed himself onto the bar, then slapped me with his flip flop, punctuating the act with a statement I already knew to be true: “You are a tall idiot.”

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  5. Toasty says:

    Thank you, Elliot Johnson. I had been worried that, following the retirement of Craig Counsell, I might never hear Hendrix at the ballpark ever again.

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