We Go Together Like Jose Valverde and a Hot Dog Jersey

Water finds its level, or so they say. And as human beings are roughly 70 percent water, simple logic dictates that 70 percent of humans will, eventually wind up exactly where they belong. The other 30 percent comprise the House Republicans in Congress, who built a shitty dam out of gerrymandering, prejudice, and bitterness and have managed to stay well above their level, and Nikola Tesla, who stayed well below (curse you, Edison!). But, for now, let’s concern ourselves with those of us who manage to wind up right where we belong. Like Jose Valverde, pitching at AAA in a hot dog jersey.

Papa Grande

A match made in Heaven, preordained by God Itself.

Speaking of matches. I got married nine years ago today to a beautiful and brilliant woman, with whom I was to produce two mostly not-unpleasant children. It goes without saying that this was probably the biggest mistake of her life, but she’s been willing to, quite literally, live with that mistake, and for that I’m exceptionally grateful.

And since that absentee landlord Cistulli never pays attention around here enough to know that I’m using NotGraphs to conduct my own personal business, I want to take this opportunity to tell my wife I love her, I’m grateful for her every day, and that I’m so glad that we found our level, and that that level was each other. We belong together. Darling, thanks for letting me be the Jose Valverde to your hot dog jersey for the last nine years, and for years to come.

 




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Mike Bates used to have a stupid pseudonym. Now he doesn't because people want to pay him to write about baseball on the Internet and he's really a sell out that way. He is also a Designated Columnist at SBNation, co-founder of The Platoon Advantage, and is an American Carpetbagger on Getting Blanked, the finest in Canadian baseball-type sites. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter here: http://www.twitter.com/commnman


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David Sanders
Guest
2 years 10 months ago

Well done. And congrats on the marital bliss!

ReuschelCakes
Guest
ReuschelCakes
2 years 10 months ago

I do not understand if the whites are 1) unintentionally mis-matched as an oversight by the Mud Hens Color Design Team; 2) intentionally mis-matched as a subtle juxtaposition to the Valverde-Meattube complement; or 3) the pants are mayo-colored.

frivoflava29
Guest
frivoflava29
2 years 10 months ago

Not mayo-colored, that’s actual mayo

FeslenR
Guest
FeslenR
2 years 10 months ago

Hah….that jersey may almost be worth the money to purchase….a Valverde minor league hot dog jersey…wow.

RCP isn't news
Guest
RCP isn't news
2 years 10 months ago

I adore the pseudointellectualism here with re: to House Republican gerrymandering. Do yourself a favor, read the Times for once in your life. The RealClear front page is the bleacher report of actual news.

Josh m
Guest
Josh m
2 years 10 months ago

And you are going to give said wife a hot dog tonight.

Giddity giddity

Am I rite?

jwise224
Member
2 years 10 months ago

Well done, Mike! True highlight of the day.

ZING
Guest
ZING
2 years 10 months ago

ZING!

ParrottBoy
Guest
ParrottBoy
2 years 10 months ago

What a lame story to try to tie into your initial motive of writing a baseball article about your anniversary. who gives a ….

Rock
Guest
Rock
2 years 10 months ago

Congratulations on the healthy marriage. Could have done without the political garbage.

ettin
Guest
ettin
2 years 10 months ago

Relish each and every moment with her.

Simon
Guest
Simon
2 years 10 months ago

+1

hamjenkinsIII
Member
hamjenkinsIII
2 years 10 months ago

Dot Hog

BenRevereDoesSteroids
Member
BenRevereDoesSteroids
2 years 10 months ago

The other 30 percent comprise the House Republicans in Congress, who built a shitty dam out of gerrymandering, prejudice, and bitterness and have managed to stay well above their level…

Can Notgraphs please be a safe haven from partisan politcs? I don’t even necessarily disagree with you, but this is 2 of your last 4 contributions to Notgraphs that you have decided to use as a platform for your political views. I (and I assume most others) click on a NotGraphs link to read baseball related comedy, not political propaganda. Then again, the other post also mentions how much you love your wife. Is she putting you up to this?

Cue the down votes.

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