What I Imagine When I Hear the Name Odrisamer Despaigne

…the single-engine plane touches down in a clearing, surrounded by impossibly tall trees, the smell of rain, and what sounds like thousands of brightly-colored parrots, squawking his name as he exits the airplane in a tan linen suit and wide-brimmed hat, a mosquito net covering his face. “Odrisamer,” the parrots say in unison. “Odrisamer Despaigne.” He tips his hat to the flock of them, and the parrots all converge onto his arms, his shoulders, his neck, nearly strangling him in the process, but Odrisamer Despaigne proves more than able to tame a thousand birds at once. He pulls a wrinkled old treasure map from one of the many pockets in his suit, and announces to no one in particular, “I think we’ve found the place.” Just then, the sound of a gunshot. “Someone’s after us,” he says, matter-of-factly, again to no one in particular, and the parrots, as quickly as they appeared, soar back up into the trees. Odrisamer Despaigne is left to search for shelter so that he can escape the evil poachers before an errant shot takes out his arm — the same arm that earned him a ticket to the States, a ticket he was glad to give up when he heard he was needed back in the jungle….




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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.


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Willy Nelson Cruz
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Willy Nelson Cruz
2 years 1 month ago

Sometimes I wonder how they can have a Beergraphs but not a Weedgraphs but now I realize, they kind of already have a Weedgraphs.

Timmy Lincecum
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Timmy Lincecum
2 years 1 month ago

Awright!!

No No Timmy
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No No Timmy
2 years 1 month ago

No-no!!!

Journey the Videogame
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Journey the Videogame
2 years 1 month ago

Don’t, Don’t, Don’t you forget about me.

Pirates Hurdles
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Pirates Hurdles
2 years 1 month ago

I think you’re looking for – Don’t Stop Believing

Odirasmer Despaigne
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Odirasmer Despaigne
2 years 1 month ago

El que m’imagino quan escolto el nom de Jeremy Blachman

… L’avió d’un sol motor aterra en un clar envoltat d’arbres impossiblement alts, l’olor de la pluja, i el que sona com milers de lloros de colors brillants, cridant el seu nom com ell surt l’avió en un vestit de lli color canyella i ampliació barret d’ala ampla, una mosquitera que cobria la cara. “Jeremy,” els lloros diuen a l’uníson. “Jeremy Blachman.” Es treu el barret a l’esbart d’ells, i els lloros tots convergeixen en els seus braços, les espatlles, el coll, gairebé el escanya en el procés, però Jeremy Blachman demostra ser més que capaç de domar un miler d’aus a una vegada. Ell treu un vell mapa del tresor arrugada d’un dels molts butxaques del seu vestit, i anuncia a ningú en particular: “Crec que hem trobat el lloc.” En aquell moment, el so d’un tret. “Algú està darrere de nosaltres”, diu, la matèria de manera casual, una vegada més, a ningú en particular, i els lloros, tan ràpid com van aparèixer, es disparen de nou cap als arbres. Jeremy Blachman es deixa a buscar refugi perquè pugui escapar dels caçadors furtius del mal abans d’un tret errant treu el seu braç – el mateix braç que li va guanyar una butlleta per als Estats, una butlleta que estava content d’abandonar quan va sentir que era necessària a la selva ….

Simon
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Simon
2 years 1 month ago

Wait, is that Catalan? WTF?

asdf
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asdf
2 years 1 month ago

This translated from Catalan to English is:

What I imagine when I hear the name Jeremy Blachman

The plane … a single engine landing in a clearing surrounded by trees impossibly high, the smell of rain, and it sounds like thousands of brightly colored parrots, shouting his name as he leaves the aircraft a tan linen suit and wide-brimmed hat extension, a mosquito net that covered the face. “Jeremy,” the parrot say in unison. “Jeremy Blachman.” Chapeau flock to them, and parrots all converge in his arms, shoulders, neck, nearly strangling in the process, but Jeremy Blachman proves to be more than capable of taming a thousand birds at once. He pulls out a wrinkled old treasure map one of the many pockets of his suit, and announced to no one in particular: “I think we found the place.” In that moment, the sound of a shot. “Someone is behind us,” he says, matter of factly, again, no one in particular, and parrots, as fast as they appeared, soar back into the trees. Jeremy Blachman is left to seek shelter so he can escape the evil poachers before an errant shot shows his arm – the same arm that earned him a ticket to the states, a ticket was happy to leave when he heard was necessary in the jungle

your welcome

Hodor
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Hodor
2 years 1 month ago

Hodor!

OneMore
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OneMore
2 years 20 days ago

WTF has all that stuff to do with Odrisamer Despaigne? WTF has him to do with parrots? Doesnt the author like his name? Or WTF?

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