What Were the Twins Doing in 1991?

You might ask yourself, dear reader, you might ask yourself, “what were the Twins doing in 1991?” Especially, you might be asking yourself this because that is, in fact, the title of this article. After you’re done asking that, “Probably playing baseball,” is one answer that you could give, if you weren’t particularly clever. “Winning the World Series,” is another for the more literal-minded of you. Yes, these are both things that the Twins were doing in 1991. But among other things they were also doing, such as eating, sleeping, grooming their mustaches and mullets, watching Cheers, enjoying the musics of Color Me Badd and C+C Music Factory, and wondering if a viable third party candidate might emerge in next year’s presidential election, were the following:

Being hot.

Coming on strong.

Having Kelly at the wheel.

Not going wrong.

Lookin’ straight ahead on the right track.

Not turning back.

Having Puck, Chuck, Jack, Mack, Chili, Willie, Bush, Tap, Harper, Gladden, Al, and Gags. Hrbek, Willis, Gene, and Pags. Aguilera, Erickson, Teddy, and Bedrosian. Guthrie, West, and the rest.

Having the best.

Commencing to get off and running.


Other things they were doing included filming music videos, which I am also embedding below so you can see important things like: “funny” Jack Morris the hacky-sack enthusiast, competent dancing by Willie Banks, Kent Hrbek’s emphatic and enthusiastic pointing skills, baby-faced Chuck Knoblauch’s juggling, the daily ritual of jokingly pelting Al Newman with baseballs, the daily ritual of angrily pelting Scott Erickson with baseballs, and, of course, Chili Davis almost tearing an ACL. All of which was happening under the apparently watchful, but lenient eye of Tony Oliva, who, frankly, ought to be ashamed of himself for not putting a stop to this tomfoolery.

But it was a far more innocent time in 1991, and who could anticipate the blow to everyone’s dignity that these videos would be once they were archived on the then-in-its-infancy Internet? Let us now commence to get off and running at destroying said dignity:

Still, what a great club they were, and I challenge you to find me a team with as large a music video/world championships ratio. Happy Friday, everybody.

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Mike Bates used to have a stupid pseudonym. Now he doesn't because people want to pay him to write about baseball on the Internet and he's really a sell out that way. He is also a Designated Columnist at SBNation, co-founder of The Platoon Advantage, and is an American Carpetbagger on Getting Blanked, the finest in Canadian baseball-type sites. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter here: http://www.twitter.com/commnman

9 Responses to “What Were the Twins Doing in 1991?”

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  1. JimmyD says:

    I remember having a debate with some friends around this time about who was the better MC – Hammer, Vanilla Ice, or the dude from C+C. Seriously.
    I also remember the Twins winning the WS.

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  2. Tim says:

    I challenge you to find me a team with as large a music video/world championships ratio.

    It’s great when there are two new Notgraphs posts and I get to slam the Maple Leafs in both of them.

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  3. harpago17 says:

    Pulling our legs.

    (At least in the case of Kent Hrbkpfsht*)

    (*I know it’s spelled wrong, but as I was writing the name my 9-year-old self started getting angry again.)

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  4. Choo says:

    If somebody can tell me how/why Dan Gladden became known as The Dazzle Man, which is very nearly the perfect nickname for a man with an orange mustache, I will +1 their comment with aplomb.

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    • Mr. Observant says:

      He muff-dove a lady pumpkin.

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    • Mr. Observant says:

      That had a bedazzled vajayjay. Now we call it vijazzling.

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    • digitalhaas says:

      The story I heard was that he’d have a pair of batting gloves carefully placed in his back pockets so the fingers would flutter as he ran around the bases *while wearing another pair of batting gloves*

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  5. Dietrich Bowar says:

    God I miss those days. I miss having a competent pitching staff that included starters that could consistently give you 6 innings and strike out a batter every once in a while.

    AAA has no prospects to toe the rubber. AA has a few. All the pitching depth the Twins have is down the ladder.

    A change in philosophy is needed in the organization. Rick Anderson has got to go….

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