What’s Wrong with Mike Napoli’s Hips?

Nearly three weeks ago, the Boston Red Sox supposedly struck a deal with free agent Mike Napoli. He still has not signed. There are reports that Napoli’s physical brought up some questions about his hips, stalling negotiations and leading the Red Sox to begin discussions with Adam LaRoche to take the vacant first base position.  So what exactly is wrong with Napoli’s hips? The NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has completely fabricated the following possibilities:

Hips are actually made of cottage cheese

Striking out 30% of the time really takes its toll on the body

Early-onset Oldpeopleitis

His hips actually do lie

Crystal meth habit

Backyard wrestling injury

Brett Lawrie threw a helmet at him

An exorbitant amount of rump shaking

Did not consult his doctor before taking Abilify

Hot-yoga accident

Hot, yoga accident

Tackled by Kevin Walker

Totally took a digger during paintball




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David G. Temple is the Managing Editor of TechGraphs and a contributor to FanGraphs, NotGraphs and The Hardball Times. He hosts the award-eligible podcast Stealing Home. Dayn Perry once called him a "Bible Made of Lasers." Follow him on Twitter @davidgtemple.


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olethros
Guest
olethros
3 years 5 months ago

Unsuitable for bearing Dustin Pedroia’s children

BenH
Guest
BenH
3 years 5 months ago

Are all these mutually exclusive?

Also, I tried to take an x-ray of that picture. I didn’t see anything and I think I broke the top left of my monitor.

Birdlander
Guest
Birdlander
3 years 5 months ago

Dragging around Abel Ferrara, Abel Ferrara, Abel Ferrara.

Tim
Guest
Tim
3 years 5 months ago

Strained them reacting to a preview of the new Fangraphs website design.

Pointless Ponderer
Guest
Pointless Ponderer
3 years 5 months ago

I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he just got his priorities a little mixed up this off-season.

“HIPS mission is to assist female, male, and transgender individuals engaging in sex work in Washington, DC in leading healthy lives. Using a harm reduction model, HIPS’ programs strive to address the impact that HIV/AIDS, sexually transmitted infections, discrimination, poverty, violence and drug use have on the lives of individuals engaging in sex work.”

B N
Guest
B N
3 years 4 months ago

In this case, it’s HIPS to be square.

Shrewd Cat
Guest
Shrewd Cat
3 years 4 months ago

Boston don’t think Napoli’s hip? What, did they catch him listening to Billy Joel?

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