Which Prospects Are Ready . . .

 . . . and What Are They Ready For

Matt Moore, LHP, Tampa Bay Rays

Moore has plus-plus make-up, which means he should be ready to fill the Guy Smiley void in MLB that has gone unfilled for too long now. Most scouts believe that his days of pouting like a toddler are over, and he’s now committed to his teammates, as evidenced by his pledge to keep David Price’s car safe from hobo urine.


Bryce Harper, OF, Washington Nationals

Bryce Harper is ready to adopt an alter-ego called “Barp” (or perhaps “80 Power”), a new member of former champion tag team, Legion of Doom. His well-known intensity should carry over nicely to the squared circle, and his 70-80 arm means he projects to clothesline opponents with the best of them. It’s difficult to even put a number on his fauxhawk — he might redefine our standards for that tool as his career progresses.


Mike Trout, OF, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Trout‘s karate chop tool is something he’s worked on throughout his tenure in the minors, and we believe he’s ready to showcase it on a bigger stage. If the Angels give him the chance, he should chop through some serious brickage at the preseason FanFest, and he now projects for a floor of 25-30 bricks-chopped annually.


Jurickson Profar, SS, Texas Rangers

Jurickson Profar sounds more like a degenerative nerve disease than a future all-star shortstop, and his pants-filling-out tool rates at a 30 at best, but he is ready to lean in and take a gander at some batting practice. In fact, he’s major-league ready on that front, as scouts rave about his relaxed torso angle, solid one-foot base, and an ability to use the batting cage’s crossbeam for support that is beyond his years.


Julio Teheran, RHP, Atlanta Braves

Whether the Braves will make room for Teheran in their rotation this year is up in the air, but his skill in identifying baseballs is unquestionable. He is like the finest trained bloodhound in tracking down and presenting those cowhide spheres, the presence of which is essential to his ability to pitch. We can’t tell you how many pitchers his age can’t locate and have to rely on ballboys, umpires, catchers, or actual bloodhounds to find balls for them. When Teheran does crack the rotation, he’ll provide the Braves with a lot of value.

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7 Responses to “Which Prospects Are Ready . . .”

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  1. dockmarm says:

    This March, Teheran has also been exceedingly gracious toward baseballs, sending several on free flights beyond the field of play.

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  2. Guy says:

    I couldn’t have said the Harper blurb better without myself.

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  3. Kyle says:

    That Jurickson Profar is showing me something. I need to get him on my keeper team asap.

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  4. steex says:

    I’m very pleased to see that Barp is finally ready to take his place in the Legion of Doom. Ever since Crush joined Demolition, they’ve been badly in need of a permanent third member to level the playing field. The Ultimate Warrior just doesn’t cut it as a legitimate member of the Legion.

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