Who is Jake Marisnick?

I’ve heard of Jake Marisnick. But when I read Mike Podhorzer’s article this morning about speedsters available for the stretch run, I realized I had absolutely no idea what Jake Marisnick looks like. No picture in my head, at all. Maybe you don’t have a picture either. Hence, a brief quiz. Which one of these folks is Jake Marisnick?

(And, bonus: who are the rest of these guys?)

MaybeMarisnick2

MaybeMarisnick3

MaybeMarisnick1

MaybeMarisnick4

MaybeMarisnick5




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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.


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Jake Marisnick
Guest
Jake Marisnick
1 year 10 months ago

Damned if I know!

Yirmiyahu
Member
1 year 10 months ago

Not the black guy. Not Eric Cantor. Probably not the androgynous guy with the “Baseball-Softball” polo shirt.

Yirmiyahu
Member
1 year 10 months ago

Actually, I looked it up. Turns out Eric Cantor *is* Jake Marisnick.

Seriously. #KeepNotGraphs
Guest
Seriously. #KeepNotGraphs
1 year 10 months ago

Well, that explains some things.

Seriously. #KeepNotGraphs
Guest
Seriously. #KeepNotGraphs
1 year 10 months ago

1. A Dominican
2. A Californian
3. A Floridan
4. An Italian
5. Carson Cistulli

Also, #KeepNotGraphs

Thanks, Comcast
Guest
Thanks, Comcast
1 year 10 months ago

… Bartender says: #KeepNotGraphs.

Kurt Cobain's Tortured Ghost
Guest
Kurt Cobain's Tortured Ghost
1 year 10 months ago

1. A mulatto
2. An albino
3. A mestizo
4. A libido
5. Yeah!

#KeepNotGraphs

Semi Pro
Guest
Semi Pro
1 year 10 months ago

What the fuck is a mestizo?

Paul G.
Guest
Paul G.
1 year 10 months ago

We beseech you, Wikipedia:

Mestizo is a term traditionally used in Spain and Spanish-speaking America to mean a person of combined European and Native American descent.

There are also some variations on it.

Semi Pro
Guest
Semi Pro
1 year 10 months ago

I should have clarified that the lyric is “a mosquito,” and thus I was confused why Kurt Cobain’s ghost wouldn’t know his own lyrics.

Stinky Pete
Member
Stinky Pete
1 year 10 months ago

Actually, if we’re nitpicking, it’s MY libido. Well, not mine, but you know what I’m saying…

(I’m saying MLB.TV blackout restrictions are ridiculous. #FreeIowa)

Grandpa
Guest
Grandpa
1 year 10 months ago

Well first I assume since he’s fast, he must be black. But, Marisnick definitely sounds like he’s white; from the wrong side of Europe. Number 2 looks like he’s shaved his unibrow, but he’s not fooling anyone. Definitely a Marisnick, his speed afoot offsets his slowness of thought.

Khalil Greene
Guest
Khalil Greene
1 year 10 months ago

I love your reasoning process.

Dayn Perry's Appendage
Guest
Dayn Perry's Appendage
1 year 10 months ago

#KeepNotGraphs #NiceImageDistortion

Thanks, Comcast
Guest
Thanks, Comcast
1 year 10 months ago

Hint:

The day after the trade, Jeff Luhnow spent about two minutes on the radio broadcast telling Steve Sparks how handsome Marisnick was.

(So probably not #2)

spoiler alert
Guest
spoiler alert
1 year 10 months ago

marcel ozuna
christian yelich
jake marisnick
Federico Celli
Eric Cantor

Also learn to crop instead of stretch your images for gods sake. Poor performances like that have doomed notgraphs to the dustbin of internet history.

F*** You spoiler alert
Guest
F*** You spoiler alert
1 year 10 months ago

*Marcell Ozuna.*
*Christian Yelich.*
*Jake Marisnick.*
*Federico Celli.*
*Eric Cantor.*

*Also, learn to crop instead of stretch your images, for god’s sake. Poor performances like this have doomed Notgraphs to the dustbin of internet history.*

God man, learn how to spell. Apparently Notgraphs needs an Enlgish lesson for its less literate readers.

Tim Berners-Lee
Guest
Tim Berners-Lee
1 year 10 months ago

*for God’s sake
*Internet history
*English lesson

That must be embarrassing.

Anthony Rescan
Member
Anthony Rescan
1 year 10 months ago

His picture at Minute Maid made him look like the guy with the van that says “Free Candy” on it.

matt w
Guest
matt w
1 year 10 months ago

It’s the one whose image file is labeled “maybemarisnick1.jpg” even though it’s out of order.

i-)

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