The Vioxx VORP Award

Rob Neyer has a wonderful article on Fox Sports about the Rolaids Relief award and the hard times it has fallen upon. Here’s a completely disjointed pull quote:

In 2006, though, the Rolaids brand was acquired by Johnson & Johnson, which deemphasized the promotion… [in 2010] Rolaids were recalled, “following an investigation of consumer reports of an unusual moldy, musty, or mildewlike odor… nausea, stomach pain, vomiting and diarrhea.” … [Heath Bell said] “[s]o after I won in 2009 and didn’t get a trophy, in ’10 I asked about it and they said, ‘No, they’re not doing that any more.’

Reminds me of the fictional saga of the Vioxx VORP award, which started back in 1906 to honor the player with the highest VORP, awarding them a large gold pill. And then, nearly 100 years later, in 2004 when Merck recalled Vioxx for causing heart attacks and strokes… the large gold pills were gone. Much to the disappointment of Barry Bonds, who in 2004 wanted one more large pill to place on his mantel. [Insert Barry Bonds / pill joke here.]

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

3 Responses to “The Vioxx VORP Award”

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  1. John Elway says:

    Good thing Barry’s head grew so much over the years. Those things look like horse pills.

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  2. Robert Hombre says:

    With all the piling on Vioxx, has anyone polled about the pall that followed pulling their appalling pill?

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  3. Barry Bonds says:

    I am insecure about my all-time goodness at baseball.

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