This is one of my favorite keepsakes: “Old Timer’s [sic] Baseball Photo Album”, published by JKW Sports Publications in 1961, collecting photographs from the private collections of Robert A. Cutter and William N. Jacobellis. I was flipping through it searching for inspiration for a post when I saw an image that immediately seared itself onto my eyeballs. I will never be the same… To the jump if you dare.
AHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhgggggghhhhhh! Now that’s out of the way, Tex was an okay pitcher who once played for the Houston Buffaloes. He won exactly 100 games in the majors, which is cool, and he pitched a no-hitter, which is much cooler. However, it is made clear in the picture above that Tex was actually sent to earth to creep me out from beyond the grave and keep me up late at night trying to erase his jack-o-lantern smile and creepy golden eyes. Before anyone does this in the comments: “old-cameras-blahblahblahblah-weird-lighting-not-a-demon-this-effect-where-his-eyes-are-soulless-windows-to-hell-is-present-in-a-lot-of-old-photos-I’m-smart”… to which I say “You are wrong and this man is clearly descended from Voldemort himself.”
I do want to back my gut instinct (which was, in a word, “RUN!”) with empirical research — I am, after all, technically employed by Fangraphs, Inc. — so, I’d like to crowdsource this one:
Is Tex Carlton:
1. likely to return to earth in the form of a tiny skin-burrowing leprechaun who will kill you from the inside.
2. creepy, but nothing compared to [____________], a much scarier ballplayer.
3. girl, you cray.
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