Will James “Tex” Carleton haunt your daymares?

This is one of my favorite keepsakes: “Old Timer’s [sic] Baseball Photo Album”, published by JKW Sports Publications in 1961, collecting photographs from the private collections of Robert A. Cutter and William N. Jacobellis. I was flipping through it searching for inspiration for a post when I saw an image that immediately seared itself onto my eyeballs. I will never be the same… To the jump if you dare.


AMERICAN HORROR STORY

AHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhgggggghhhhhh! Now that’s out of the way, Tex was an okay pitcher who once played for the Houston Buffaloes. He won exactly 100 games in the majors, which is cool, and he pitched a no-hitter, which is much cooler. However, it is made clear in the picture above that Tex was actually sent to earth to creep me out from beyond the grave and keep me up late at night trying to erase his jack-o-lantern smile and creepy golden eyes. Before anyone does this in the comments: “old-cameras-blahblahblahblah-weird-lighting-not-a-demon-this-effect-where-his-eyes-are-soulless-windows-to-hell-is-present-in-a-lot-of-old-photos-I’m-smart”… to which I say “You are wrong and this man is clearly descended from Voldemort himself.”

I do want to back my gut instinct (which was, in a word, “RUN!”) with empirical research — I am, after all, technically employed by Fangraphs, Inc. — so, I’d like to crowdsource this one:

Is Tex Carlton:
1. likely to return to earth in the form of a tiny skin-burrowing leprechaun who will kill you from the inside.
2. creepy, but nothing compared to [____________], a much scarier ballplayer.
3. girl, you cray.




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Summer Anne Burton is a writer and illustrator living in Austin, Texas. She is drawing pictures of Every Hall of Famer.


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DD
Guest
DD
4 years 3 months ago

Reminds me of a creepy used car salesman. I bet he has his hair slicked back with Pommade under that ballcap.

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
4 years 3 months ago

…clearly an ancestor of Voldemort, non? A sentiment with which I agree.

Resolution
Guest
Resolution
4 years 3 months ago

I endorse response options 1 and 3.

steex
Member
steex
4 years 3 months ago

It appears as thought Tex has no fewer than 112 teeth based on this photo.

Nathan
Guest
Nathan
4 years 3 months ago

My God, can you imagine the mouth-eyes version of this picture?

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