Win a Derek Jeter Watch That I Don’t Want

Well, it’s not that I don’t want this watch because I don’t like the watch itself. I’m just saying, I have a ‘dope interchangeable’ Modify Watch of my own, and I like it better:

Say what you want about the pitcher and his persona, but his man-merkin can adorn my wrist any day. And when I want to go orange, I can. Somedays I feel whiter than usual. Because the timepiece comes with many different looks, I’m good.

Something about the waterproof wristband and the sleek, iconic face works for me.

Perhaps you’d like one with pinstripes?

To win this watch (and two alternate bands), you must satisfy only two rules:

1) You must mention Derek Jeter.
2) You must amuse me.

Now, considering that I am not necessarily a fan of the Yankees, you’d be right to focus on the second requirement. But, oh, don’t forget the first. And denigrate the subject too much and I might find you undeserving.

Walk that tightrope! Walk it!

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Graphs: Baseball, Roto, Beer, brats (OK, no graphs for that...yet), repeat. Follow him on Twitter @enosarris.

37 Responses to “Win a Derek Jeter Watch That I Don’t Want”

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  1. Josh says:

    Well, if I don’t win the watch, at least I’ve still got my gift basket.

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  2. Diane says:

    Did you find the Jeter watch in your gift basket?

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  3. Matt says:

    Why would I want that watch? Jeter gave me 6 of them in my gift basket after I left his place this morning… (Seriously though, I want the watch)

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  4. Greg W says:

    Hmmm, the watch is like Jeter because the hand on the right, as pictured, has much better range than the hand on the left. No?

    The watch is like Jeter because the bands that hug it are interchangeable, much like the ladies who wrap arms around him each homestand. No?

    The watch is clearly not worthy of any true Yankee fan, as putting a 2 and pinstripes on it would satisfy anyone who knew anything about baseball. Adding ‘Jeter’ is just bowing to the unwashed masses. No?

    How about,”I am the first one to comment. You can stop reading now and be done with this whole contest.”

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  5. davidpeck says:

    “The Jeter watch. Where it’s always 2AM” My son is a huge Derek Jeter fan. Well, he’s not huge. He’s actually kinda scrawny, but he does really like Jeter and doesn’t care if the stats say he shouldn’t play shortstop anymore, should just DH or maybe follow Joe Girardi around with a clipboard and a cup of coffee.

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  6. Adam says:

    Per the four letter network:

    Jeter may be more like Ali than he thinks:
    The Captain could have something other than greatness in common with the Champ

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  7. Diane says:

    The Jeter watch runs better than the Jeter shortstop.

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  8. Matt Defalco says:

    Derek Jeter has deserved every single one of the Gold Gloves that he has been awarded more than any other shortstop.

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  9. Fattinton_Bear says:

    Who cares about Derek Jeter?
    I just ate a big ass plate of bacon, sausage and eggs.

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  10. I’m not gonna call Derek Jeter ‘Dad.’ I’m not going to…ever. Even if there’s a fire!

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  11. Nate says:

    Why does this watch have Jeter’s WAR projection on it?

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  12. Jackson says:

    This watch was invented for Yankee and Red Sox fans. But you say that Red Sox fans should hate Derek Jeter. But that ignores the purpose of this watch. When watching a Red Sox-Yankees game, you’ll look at your spiffy watch in the first inning and see both hands pointed at the ‘T’ in “JETER” meaning its noon or ‘T’ime for baseball. When the game ends, both hands will point at the two. It’s only been 2 hours and 10 minutes! A record for a Boston-NYY game! Amazing!

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  13. That watch is overrated.

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  14. Rey22 says:

    Technology these days is amazing. Now we have watches that update real time with the amount of people that believe Derek Jeter is a good defensive shortstop. His mom & dad.

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  15. The scene opens on a busy crosswalk in New York City. Wearing the Captain’s watch proudly, I stride through the traffic with the confidence that walk signs are for lesser men, as no harm can come to a person so tastefully adorned. From the corner of my eye, I catch an equally alluring flash if white fastened loosely upon the wrist of a well-dressed young woman with a deep sadness in her eyes. Intrigued, but trying to piece together how one such as I came to possess such a time-keeping masterpiece (one that she paid for with the fire of youth), our eyes meet.

    [note: in order for our eyes to meet I will have to be standing on a traffic island while she is half-crouched to check on a possible run in her stockings]

    We engage in polite small-talk, but her vision darts back to my wrist during every lull in the conversation. We agree to drinks at a bar that I can just see the marque of across the street, and despite the lack of right-of-way, all of the traffic passes by safely to each side of us like hard hit grounders past aging shortstops during crucial late-inning situations. Over her mango-infused, elderberry and fresh vanilla cosmopolitan (and my Yoo-Hoo over ice, shaken) I explain that advanced metrics show that Jeter, while still displaying the same light blue eyes that remind you of Caribbean travel brochures, has been proven to be full of tiny faults and misdeeds on the field that the average person just can’t see on their own, and that ‘true fans’ refuse to believe could even exist.

    Knowing someone else who has intimate knowledge of Jeter’s shortcomings (but not in that way), seems to free her of some pain that she has been hiding from the world. Her shoulders lift, her eyes brighten, and she leaves the bar with a hop in her step and a smile on her lips — she’ll be just fine from now on. She leaves me with the bill.

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  16. SAmmy says:

    Must be an older model if its got such a flat top.

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  17. Choo says:

    If the Derek Jeter watch were to, say, trespass my anus would I then have a little captain in me? If so, yes please. I would very much like the watch and promise to wear it often.

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  18. Uncle Remus says:

    Why bother, the watch to me is like Derek Jeter himself 99% intangible

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  19. SAmmy says:

    I’d love to have these Jeterian sloppy seconds.

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  20. Kris says:

    My dating life has been rather lackluster, it seems. After the third date without exception, I hear the very same words: “I never knew you were such a self-centred jerk!” Establishing this fact early in the relationship has been difficult and needless to say, financially trying. I’ve attempted to accessorize with backwards baseball caps, monogrammed cuff links and even a barbed wire bicep tattoo, but they’ve done nothing but incite some kind of crazy short-term reclamation project that ends up costing me both time and money. This watch may be my last hope. This watch may be my only hope.

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  21. C4 says:

    Oh please let it be me! My daughter is the biggest Michale Jeter fan ever. She just loves his routine on Elmo, and truth be told…I kind of liked his performances on “Night Court” and especially “Tango and Cash”. If I could just win those watches, I know I’d…huh? What’s that? DEREK Jeter? Hmm…well, he kinda stinks now. But I’d still take the watches and try to pass them off as Mr. Noodle’s watches :)

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  22. Nu? Billy Baroo says:

    Jeter has 3,000+ Soft-gappers and counting…

    (I am not referencing his baseball hit total.)

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  23. Greg W says:

    As the contest lingers, the odds of teh early enties seem to be dwindling. When will we resolve this issue?

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