Yankees Expected to Bid Big on Japanese Pitcher

In a new strategy, indicating a move away from spending money on players and toward spending on priceless artifacts from around the world, the Yankees are expected to bid big on a Japanese pitcher this offseason.

This particular pitcher is from the Kamakura period (1185-1333) and was used in traditional Buddhist rituals. Made of bronze, and 7 cm tall, it is compact, functional, and elegant.

The pitcher is expected to be their second-most-expensive offseason purchase, after a hand-carved vintage canoe, still functioning quite well but likely to become a bit of an albatross sometime short of, say, a decade or so from now.

Did I say canoe? Wait….

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

11 Responses to “Yankees Expected to Bid Big on Japanese Pitcher”

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  1. Purple Drank says:

    Wait but you posted a picture of a kettle.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Bradley says:

    With these acquisitions, they could make an urn at the playoffs

    +23 Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Chris Perez says:

    The Yankees want pot?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Resolution says:

    Will there be a viewing atrium for these artifacts in the Sushi bar at the stadium?

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  5. MDL says:

    I think the move will largely be panned.

    +8 Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. Hideki Irabu says:

    Oops. Thought the headline was “Yankees Expected to Bid on Big Japanese Pitcher”.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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