Yankees Expected to Bid Big on Japanese Pitcher

In a new strategy, indicating a move away from spending money on players and toward spending on priceless artifacts from around the world, the Yankees are expected to bid big on a Japanese pitcher this offseason.

This particular pitcher is from the Kamakura period (1185-1333) and was used in traditional Buddhist rituals. Made of bronze, and 7 cm tall, it is compact, functional, and elegant.

The pitcher is expected to be their second-most-expensive offseason purchase, after a hand-carved vintage canoe, still functioning quite well but likely to become a bit of an albatross sometime short of, say, a decade or so from now.

Did I say canoe? Wait….

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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Purple Drank

Wait but you posted a picture of a kettle.


I think the author was trying to convey a different canotation.