On May 20th, the Tampa Bay Rays broadcast team is going to invite a former STATS Inc. intern, a Stanford economics graduate, a former All-American athlete, a College World Series record holder, a diabetic, a man with a Wikipedia page containing over 6,300 words in it, a man who eats bullets washed in the tears of his enemies and a few of his friends, and an active major league baseball player in the booth.
Figured it out yet?
THEY’RE ALL ONE PERSON.
That’s right, Mr. Super Sam Fuld will be joining the Tampa Bay Rays broadcast team in the booth to talk about sabermetrics. What?! That’s right. Those fancy acronumbers and oozer ratings.
This brings to light a more important issue, however. The Rays broadcast rankings.
Do they possess the TRIFORCE OF BROADCASTING EXCELLENCE? Yes:
1. Nightly double-entendres? CHECK.
2. Progressively analytic undertones? CHECK.
3. Baby pictures of the color man? YOU TELL ME: