What follows is an object lesson in what can happen when you go poking Google to see if the bees come out. Turns out, they do. There’s this:
Page viewers of a certain age will recognize this as the sculpture of Lionel Richie that was sculpted — as sculptures necessarily are — by that cute blind girl in the “Hello” video. If anything I’m saying here tolls not the bells of sweet memory for you, then by all means go back to necking at the skating rink or trying to buy “the angel’s dust” drug at the mall or whatever it is you kids and your loud radios do these days.
For those who are still with me and in need of some remedial coursework in smooth-jazz balladeering, here’s the musical video in question. And please do watch all 5:29 of the damn thing:
Yeah, I didn’t watch it, either. Anyhow, about, oh, three-and-a-half years ago (as I said, I was wandering around Google after dark) the scribes over at Ladies-Dot-Dot-Dot posited that the blind girl’s tender ministrations led not to a loving rendering of Lionel Richie but rather to the determined visage of Blue Jays legend George Bell. I submit into evidence:
Eureka: That sculpture is of George Bell. The poor girl may have wound up with Lionel Richie (I dunno, is that what happened? I didn’t watch it and can’t remember MTV plot elements from 25 years ago.), but she was clearly under the impression that George Bell was teaching that acting class, and, more principally, it was George Bell with whom she fell deeply in love.
Lionel Richie, you devious cad. Not since Jacob donned the fake chest hair to swindle the birthright from Esau has someone taken such vile advantage of the visually impaired.