Young Cal Ripken, Jr.

Note to acolytes of “Great” Dayn Perry: I do this with Dayn’s blessing, though he may regret that soon enough…

Young Cal Ripken, Jr., at just eleven years old, was already a shortstop for the Baltimore Orioles.

Young Cal Ripken, Jr. could have tamed the cowlicky tuft behind his right ear, but he left it as a ruse — to convince people that he was imperfect, like them. The ruse would not last for long.

Young Cal Ripken, Jr.’s skin tone is known as “Serengeti Sunset,” and is the basis for a palette of colors widely used by commercial artists trying to convey a “soothing” or “easy beauty.” Likewise, his eye color is known as “Vapor of the Gods,” the color of momentary twilight seen only from the peaks of the world’s tallest mountains.

The natural oils of Young Cal Ripken, Jr.’s hair provide the molecular formula for Pantene Pro-V conditioners.

Young Cal Ripken, Jr. may have borrowed from the sartorial trends of the Beatniks, but he set the sartorial trends for Bill Cosby.

The balance of good and evil in the world is maintained via the slightly parted lips, the flawlessly bemused half-smile on Young Cal Ripken, Jr.’s face.

No photo frame or border can contain Young Cal Ripken, Jr.

Though he knows, abstractly yet with great certainty, that the world will be his, that he will do great things, what Young Cal Ripken, Jr. looks forward to most is Saturday afternoons, when he makes the best grilled cheese sandwiches for his entire family.

On a side note, I cannot get over how handsome Cal looks in this photo.




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11 Responses to “Young Cal Ripken, Jr.”

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  1. Jack says:

    That Sweater/Turtleneck thing is…

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  2. Resolution says:

    Hey Robert J. Baumann,

    Great job!

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  3. Dayn Perry says:

    You have taken the sub-genre to new, higher levels. Have yourself a vast toddy.

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  4. nu billy baroooo?! says:

    Young Cal Ripken Jr. was born with his name. He truly had no youth, only when he felt like it. Nor did he have an adult life, only when he felt like it. Thus making him an eternal youth and a man’s man simultaneously.

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  5. nu billy baroooo?! says:

    nicely done. both photos are tooo photogenic – specially with serengeti sunrise.

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  6. FlanGraphs says:

    I think I’m missing something here. What is this?

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  7. adohaj says:

    I can’t get over how much Cal Ripken looks like Paul Newman in that photo

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