Young Dayn Perry

As the half-smile suggests, Young Dayn Perry regards his attitude as one of the “devil-may-care” variety. He’s wrong in this regard, however: the devil doesn’t care — not about him, and not about his attitude.

Young Dayn Perry has recently received an invitation — from varsity linebacker Darrell Perkins, specifically — to wipe the goddamn smirk off his face before Perkins does it for him. Young Dayn Perry has every intention of accepting.

Darrell Perkins’ invitation is the first Young Dayn Perry has received, to anything, since freshman year.

Owing to the example set by his parents, Young Dayn Perry absolutely knows what love is. The subject with which he’s less familiar is girls’ privates.

Young Dayn Perry wants nothing more than to put his hands up on Katie Graham’s hips and then, when he dips, to have her dip, as well, such that they’re both dipping together at the same time.

Young Dayn Perry has recorded no fewer than 37 mix tapes for Katie Graham since September, he’ll reveal while signing her yearbook.

“Never change,” Young Dayn Perry will add. For totally different reasons, she won’t.

Young Dayn Perry hasn’t so much watched 1992 drama School Ties as memorized every line and written a sequel that follows Brendan Fraser’s character David Greene into college and then onto his professional life as a successful dermatologist in Newton, Mass.

“You can take the man out of Mississippi,” Young Dayn Perry’s father has intoned on more than one occasion, “but you can’t take the Mississippi out of the man.” Young Dayn Perry is haunted by this and other truths.