Young Derek Jeter

Young Derek Jeter’s mother dressed him in a sensible collared Le Tigre for school pictures, but Young Derek Jeter removed it in the boys’ bathroom in favor of the Georgetown sweatshirt he keeps in his locker.

Young Derek Jeter believes that no one in the entire world of Michigan loves Georgetown basketball as much as he does.

Young Derek Jeter doesn’t look for his first chest hair, he watches for his first chest hair.

Young Derek Jeter once gave Melanie Cunningham a Rubik’s Cube with his name on it as a reward for making out with him behind the TG&Y. She smiled. “What a great idea that was,” Young Derek Jeter thought.

It was four months ago that he caught his reflection in the passenger-side window of his father’s Subaru Justy. “I have the most beautiful eyes,” Young Derek Jeter said to himself. “I shall use them to my advantage.”

Young Derek Jeter has referred to hairstyles as “hats for the young man who doesn’t need a hat.”

At the “Spring Fling,” he asked Vanessa Trumbull to dance the moment he heard the opening strains of “Purple Rain.” “No thanks,” she said. “Then you won’t get a Rubik’s Cube with my name on it,” Young Derek Jeter said.

On the baseball diamond, Young Derek Jeter actually has outstanding range to his left, but he chooses not to employ it, lest everything look a little too splendid out there.

Perfection bores Young Derek Jeter, which is why sometimes at church he falls down on purpose. “See?” he says to onlooking parishioners. “Even Young Derek Jeter falls down.”

Young Derek Jeter’s mother will probably be upset about the Georgetown sweatshirt thing, but consequences bore Young Derek Jeter as much as perfection does.

When Young Derek Jeter coils to swing at a pitch, everyone bearing witness, even opposing players, whispers, “I cannot wait to see what happens.”

Young Derek Jeter can wait to see what happens because Young Derek Jeter knows exactly what’s going to happen.

(HT: Snakkle and Todd’s championship Twitter feed)

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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

11 Responses to “Young Derek Jeter”

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  1. Semi Pro says:

    Young Derek Jeter might be female.

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  2. nubillybaroo says:

    young Derek Jeter played for the Rutgers Women’s Basketball team, but left just before Imus said ‘hoes’

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  3. saiesh sheth says:

    I can’t believe you get paid to write this smh.. I can write something better / funnier / way more sarcastic than this.

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    • Dayn Perry says:

      Sweet! Write something up, email to, and we’ll run it.

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      • Resolution says:

        Unlike Sashiesh Sehtth, I believe I would struggle to write something funnier. Not to say that this post is the funniest post ever (that title belongs to that ‘Mariners fan spotted wearing an eye patch’ post), but rather, I myself am incredibly unfunny.

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      • reillocity says:

        I’ll go out on a limb and hypothesize that saiesh sheth is not that comedian who goes to comedy clubs solely to heckle the performers and ultimately bait them into saying “So you think you can do better? Well why don’t you come up here to the mic and show us?”.

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    • Thelonious says:

      Granted, this was not Dayn’s greatest post, but do yourself a favor: scroll up a bit and look for the column labeled “NotGraphs Authors”. At the top of that column you will find the name Dayn Perry. Click it and read through what are clearly the most entertaining and well-written posts available on this site. As you read you will also favor the NotGraphs readership by not posting any more of your comments.

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  4. mbrady16 says:

    I don’t know what that guy’s problem is, this was very funny.

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  5. TartanElk says:

    I’m starting to believe that this whole “Young Player X” series just might be bullshit.

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  6. nubillybaroo says:

    love the young player series

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  7. Choo says:

    I had that exact same sweatshirt and wore it to the threads. It was the source of all my intangibles.

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