Young Derek Jeter

Young Derek Jeter’s mother dressed him in a sensible collared Le Tigre for school pictures, but Young Derek Jeter removed it in the boys’ bathroom in favor of the Georgetown sweatshirt he keeps in his locker.

Young Derek Jeter believes that no one in the entire world of Michigan loves Georgetown basketball as much as he does.

Young Derek Jeter doesn’t look for his first chest hair, he watches for his first chest hair.

Young Derek Jeter once gave Melanie Cunningham a Rubik’s Cube with his name on it as a reward for making out with him behind the TG&Y. She smiled. “What a great idea that was,” Young Derek Jeter thought.

It was four months ago that he caught his reflection in the passenger-side window of his father’s Subaru Justy. “I have the most beautiful eyes,” Young Derek Jeter said to himself. “I shall use them to my advantage.”

Young Derek Jeter has referred to hairstyles as “hats for the young man who doesn’t need a hat.”

At the “Spring Fling,” he asked Vanessa Trumbull to dance the moment he heard the opening strains of “Purple Rain.” “No thanks,” she said. “Then you won’t get a Rubik’s Cube with my name on it,” Young Derek Jeter said.

On the baseball diamond, Young Derek Jeter actually has outstanding range to his left, but he chooses not to employ it, lest everything look a little too splendid out there.

Perfection bores Young Derek Jeter, which is why sometimes at church he falls down on purpose. “See?” he says to onlooking parishioners. “Even Young Derek Jeter falls down.”

Young Derek Jeter’s mother will probably be upset about the Georgetown sweatshirt thing, but consequences bore Young Derek Jeter as much as perfection does.

When Young Derek Jeter coils to swing at a pitch, everyone bearing witness, even opposing players, whispers, “I cannot wait to see what happens.”

Young Derek Jeter can wait to see what happens because Young Derek Jeter knows exactly what’s going to happen.

(HT: Snakkle and Todd’s championship Twitter feed)

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Semi Pro
Semi Pro

Young Derek Jeter might be female.