Young Kevin Youkilis

Young Kevin Youkilis is the only varsity athlete to be bullied by an asthmatic National Merit Semi-Finalist.

Young Kevin Youkilis uses flash cards to remind him of his deepest regrets and of the specific ways in which he will one day show them all.

Young Kevin Youkilis will not be voted “Most Handsome” or “Most Likely to Succeed”; Young Kevin Youkilis, in an informal and unsanctioned straw poll, will be voted “Most Likely to Try Too Hard. So Hard It’s Almost Adorable.”

Young Kevin Youkilis, if he’s honest with himself, is probably too old to identify so strongly with the full complement of male Peanuts characters. But sometimes he does so much it hurts. “Linus, man, I know,” he says at night while reading his tattered copies.

When Young Kevin Youkilis needs to half-smile for photos, he thinks of that time he saw Meghan Connelly’s bra. And baseball.

Young Kevin Youkilis’s hair has been called “frustration’s pelt.”

Although Young Kevin Youkilis’s hair is the only thing holding the sweat in, he still wishes his stupid hair would just go away.

It shall.

On Young Kevin Youkilis’s Trapper Keeper, which is festooned with images of geometric shapes and planetoids in determined orbit, he has written, “My heart and will are too big and mighty for Cincinnati.”

They are.

(Thank you[k]: Ducks on the Pond and my man Navin)




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


16 Responses to “Young Kevin Youkilis”

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  1. nubillybaroo says:

    I was so anticipating this, but was really let down. The other “Young…” series being far superior, and Youk is my favorite player! The Trapper Keeper reference was nice though…

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    • danny woytek says:

      Disagree, the Youk photo is one of the first to not exude total confidence. The writing is well suited.
      Also, the idea that while Youk was coming up, was often seen as a flawed player comes through.

      This series is probably the only thing I read every word of on fangraphs. But I have attention issues so…

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    • Resolution says:

      Dayn doesn’t write these, he simply looks at the picture and then translates. The end product simply is what it is (which is fantastic).

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  2. olethros says:

    Young Kevin Youkilis was sired upon an appeallingly blonde cocktail waitress by Jim Edmonds. Or possibly Jay Leno.

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  3. Mr. Observant says:

    This is a fantastic addition to the ‘Young…’ series – piss off with this electronic hate crime and get your own trapper-keeper which is clearly full of Sears catalogue bra section cut-outs and your collection of My Little Pony stickers, Nubilly-whatever!:-)

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  4. shibboleth says:

    Brilliant, I must find the others of this series. “Frustration’s pelt,” indeed.

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  5. camisadelgolf says:

    I went to high school with Youk (we called him ‘Kevin’ back then), and you pretty much nailed it.

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  6. St Louis Cardinals says:

    I went to high school with Youk as well and we called him Saskatewan Man-beast

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  7. nubillybaroo says:

    I went to high school with Jennifer.

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  8. Johnny B Good says:

    I went to high school with Youk’s cousin and I got the cousins’s autograph!

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  9. Grant says:

    Greek God of Your Dress Looks Nice Mrs. Pemberton

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