Your Demoted Prospects AAA Stat Quiz

Match the player to his AAA stat line.

(a) .408/.508/.592, with a 10:7 BB:K ratio.
(b) .393/.475/.714, with 13 extra-base hits, including 6 homers, in 84 at-bats.
(c) .302/.381/.523.

(1) Brett Wallace
(2) Dustin Ackley
(3) Lonnie Chisenhall

I was putting together a post this morning called “A Conscientious Objector’s All-Star Ballot,” my point being that my fantasy baseball team doesn’t look so terrible when compared with some of the players that actual teams thought would still be in their starting lineups at this point in the season, but as I looked at Ackley’s AAA stats, at Wallace’s AAA stats, at Chisenhall’s AAA stats, I felt bad about the post, and so I’ve scrapped it.

I think about B.J. Upton, Ike Davis, Josh Hamilton, players clearly struggling to achieve even a fraction of the hitting success they have found in the past. Or Mike Moustakas, who has 6 multi-hit games this season, and whose longest hitting streak is 5 games in a row. Even though some of these players make millions of dollars a year, it’s still probably pretty hard for them to fall asleep at night. Even though it’s only a game, it’s their livelihood, and it’s no more of a game to them than trying to write things is a game to me. No one wants to fail.

There’s no point to this post. It’s filler, because I couldn’t find a way to make “A Conscientious Objector’s All-Star Ballot” funny without feeling like I was picking on people who are trying their best to hit a ball with a bat and failing. And maybe Dustin Ackley’s an overhyped jerk who doesn’t deserve success, or maybe Dustin Ackley had a lousy two months, and now he’s stuck in AAA, hitting .400 and hoping he hasn’t ruined his only chance at a career by some combination of bad luck, accidental timing, or perhaps just not being as good at playing baseball as people thought he would be.

This post probably isn’t about Dustin Ackley, Brett Wallace, or Lonnie Chisenhall.

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

4 Responses to “Your Demoted Prospects AAA Stat Quiz”

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  1. yaboynate says:

    This post is about Jeremy Blanchman. This post is about yaboynate.

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  2. Khris says:

    This post needs more Matt Laporta

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  3. DerekJeterGiftBasket says:

    Let’s not forget Eric Hosmer, who will undoubtedly ask for Yasiel Puig’s autograph when their teams meet.

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  4. Robert J. Baumann says:

    That image of Ackley is beautiful. He was born to wear a Mariners’ uniform, I think. Would be tragic if he didn’t get to don it for years to come…

    I’ve pulled more than a few posts b/c of the same feeling, Jeremy. Bless you.

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