Your High Friend: “What If D-backs Acquired Dumbo Instead?”

Imagine if an animated elephant played baseball, is more or less the essence of your friend’s point.

The record — which, in this case, has been carefully prepared by great Italian-American sporting writer Nick Piecoro — the record shows that the Arizona Diamondbacks have acquired today Los Angeles Angels corner-type Mark Trumbo in a three-team deal also involving the Chicago White Sox.

What your totally high friend wants to know, however, is what if — instead of acquiring Mark Trumbo — what if Arizona accidentally acquired cartoon elephant Dumbo instead? Because, according to your friend, “that’d be hil-larious.”

“Hilarious, indeed,” is what you’re forced to also say, at this sad, sad juncture of the human comedy.

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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.

9 Responses to “Your High Friend: “What If D-backs Acquired Dumbo Instead?””

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  1. Ralph says:

    So the trade was-
    Arizona got: Dumbo
    Chicago got: Seton (University)
    Los Angeles got: Maggs (Ordonez, mayor) and oregano

    I think Arizona got fleeced in giving up an institution of higher learning with an endowment of $231 milliomn and getting in return a cartoon elephant. On the other hand, Los Angeles also got fleeced in giving up a cartoon elephant and getting in return a socialist mayor (not much use in the United States) and a spice.

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  2. mccarve it up says:

    hi-larious not hil-larious

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  3. Ryan says:

    I bet Dumbo would have an insane BB rate due to a small strike zone. He’d probably get plunked in the ears a few times, too.

    You say hi-larious, I say BRILLIANT! The Dbacks picked up a miniature Shane Victorino. Both are mammals and switch hitters, presumably. Dumbo would still likely K less than Trumbo.

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  4. Corey says:

    Once someone figured it out it would become the elephant in the room.

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  5. ettin says:

    High friends are so earritating.

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  6. Bill Brasky says:

    I hear he’ll play for peanuts.

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  7. Will Smith says:

    If I’m the GM, I’m all ears.

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  8. buuuuuuuuford says:

    All this time I thought they got an overpriced hipster neighborhood in Brooklyn…

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